I gasped. “Xavi, please let me pass.”
He didn’t, though. Instead, he pulled me back to face him. Standing on the stoop in my heels, I was still nowhere near eye to eye with him. But there wasn’t so far to look either.
“Don’t you understand?” he said, gripping my hand tightly. “You don’t need to worry about getting between us. We need you there, Ces. We don’t work without you.”
“I know,” I said sadly. “I’m the glue. For now. Don’t worry, Xavi. I’ll make sure you catch up. I’ll help you remember the birthdays and the playdates and stuffed animals she likes and her favorite foods. I’ll help you catch up so no matter who she’s with, she’ll always feel at home. But I know she has a family with you now just like she does with me. She deserves that. I won’t stand in the way anymore, that’s all.”
I would too, even if the very idea of sharing her with someone made my skin crawl. I could see it now. Xavier would return to England, and he would go back to his life there, whatever that meant. Dazzling parties like the one he’d just thrown. Sumptuous manor in the Lakes District. The London Season or jet-setting around Europe. He’d take Sofia with him wherever he could, and I wouldn’t be able to deny her, because I knew how much she loved him.
And maybe it would be fine for a while. Until, of course, he found a duchess to join them, someone who would be just as tall and beautiful and charismatic as he was.
I only hoped she would love Sofia too.
Xavier just stared at me for what seemed like hours, brow furrowed as if he was trying to decipher a recipe in a foreign language.
Then, at last, he shook his head emphatically. “No.”
I blinked. “No?”
“That’s right,” he said. “No.”
“But—what? What about everything you said to her at Nonna’s? How you were at the restaurant?” My melancholia was quickly evaporating. “Xavi, what the hell? You said you loved her? You told her that!”
“I do love her,” he said emphatically. “Of course I do. But Ces, you’re missing something fucking important. I also love you.”
My mouth dropped open in utter shock.
“Say something,” he prodded.
How could I say anything when I could hardly breathe?
“Xavi,” I whispered. “Don’t.”
Once again, the words from Jane Eyre floated through my mind. He couldn’t really be this cruel, could he? He couldn’t really believe I was so heartless it wouldn’t matter.
“Why?” Xavier demanded, taking my shoulders and shaking them slightly. “Why can’t I say it?”
“Because I can’t take it if it’s not true!” I burst out. “I barely managed to put my heart back together after you broke it before. But now…”
I closed my eyes. But now, all I could see were him and Sofia together. Everything was muddled.
“What, Ces? Don’t hold back on me now.”
“Now, I’d be ruined,” I said softly. “I’d never recover. I’d be that girl, wandering the moor, dying slowly of a shattered heart.”
“Francesca Zola.” His breath was warm and sweet on my face as he clasped my cheeks and nuzzled my nose with his. “We’re a family,” he said solemnly. “You. Me. Our perfect, beautiful daughter. I adore Sofia for her own sake, yes. But, baby—Francesca—if she is the newest piece of my world, you are the sun we both revolve around.”
I hiccupped a sob. “I can’t—I can’t believe that could possibly be true.”
“Believe it,” Xavier said and set his lips on mine. “Don’t fight it. I love you, Ces. I’ll say it again and again until you believe it. But you can’t stop it. It’s inevitable, just like us.”
He kissed me again, and with every touch of his mouth, every insistent lick of his tongue, I felt my defenses crumble.
Love. Xavier Parker loved me.
Suddenly, I couldn’t get close enough. My arms twisted around his neck, pulling him down so I could devour every bit of him. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, seasoning our kiss with their salty flavor. Love, pain, lust, desire. All of it was mixed together, and the taste was intoxicating. I felt myself lifted off the stoop, then returned to my feet only to be walked backward until my back hit the front door.
“Please,” Xavier mumbled against my mouth before his lips dropped a line of kisses down my neck. “Let me in, Ces. Let me in forever.”