I stare at the closed door, still confused.
What just happened? Are there any hidden cameras around?
After a moment, I shake myself out of my stupor and walk back to the elevator.
This time, I actually make it to the twentieth floor where the pool and the gym are located. I follow the signs for the pool and use my key card to gain access. The air is moist and slightly warm, the smell of chlorine hanging in the air.
I pick a random lounge chair toward the back for my things and take off my clothes.
The second I enter the water, I take a deep breath. Although I never wanted to swim professionally, I’ve always liked it. The water is comforting and welcoming. Why haven’t I gone in so long? I can’t even remember the last time I went to a pool just to swim. Was that in college, before I got married?
I take it easy and swim a few rounds, out of breath a lot quicker than I used to be. Seems like I need to work up my endurance some more. My heart skips a beat at the idea of swimming regularly again. I should have done this ages ago. Or frankly, I shouldn’t have let life get in the way of this. But regrets have never helped anyone, no matter how much we want them to.
Instead, I focus on the future and my plan to swim several times a week from now on, even if it’s just for a few minutes at the beginning. I’ll get better with time.
Everything will change with time, so I might as well focus on the positive things and the things I can actually control.
Back at the lounge, I grab my phone and take a selfie of me with the pool in the background. I look exhausted but happy in it, and two seconds later, it’s attached to a new message to Ryan.
Harper: Just took our bean for a swim.
I wait for a moment, but there’s no reply, so I dry off and put my clothes back on, planning on taking a shower upstairs.
His reply is waiting for me when I’m all clean and dressed.
Ryan: I’d say that’s one lucky kid.
The smile on my face is instant. I like that he seems so positive about the pregnancy. Sure, at first he was totally shocked, but he’s adapted to the news way better and faster than I have.
The phone vibrates again in my hand.
Ryan: I’d also say that’s one hot mama.
His reply creates an inferno inside my body. Why does he have to be so good with his words? I read it again, the tingling and aching multiplied. My clit throbs, and I rub my legs together to try and get some relief. No one has ever made me as hot as this man. He’s taken my previous level of arousal and bumped it up several notches.
Not that I’m complaining. I just wish we weren’t so far apart and he could actually take care of this ache.
Ryan: Was that too much? I don’t want to overstep.
My fingers fly over the keyboard.
Harper: You didn’t. I just wish . . .
I send it, unsure if I should be this bold. On the other side, is that any less bold than climbing on his lap and trying to suck his face off? Probably not, right?
Ryan: Just wish what, Harper?
Something in my stomach flutters. It’s a myriad of emotions floating around. There’s lust and excitement for Ryan, but also longing that’s almost at the brink of desperation. It’s not just about any man, it’s not about wanting to be with just anyone. I still believe I wouldn’t have gone home with anyone but Ryan on New Year’s. He called to something in me, and that something is still very loud and eager to be with him.
Then again, I’m pretty sure he knows I’m attracted to him and also interested in him. My lap-climbing was pretty indicative of that. And since he reciprocated my every move, is it safe to assume that he feels the same about me?
My teeth are busy working a bite mark into my lower lip as I stare at my phone.
What’s the worst that could happen? Yes, he could reject me, but wouldn’t it be better to know that now rather than later?
I’m not sure that logic is very useful at the moment, but it doesn’t make it any less true. I type out the message before I can back out like a shy bunny.
Harper: I just wish you could be here with me and show me how you feel.