“I’m good outside, but I think I might need the heaters again.”
“Let’s go back to the patio then.”
Together, we walk back to the couches and sit opposite each other like before.
Ryan leans back in his seat and props one ankle on his knee. “You’re right about what you said. Swimming takes up most of my time and doesn’t allow for much else.”
I nod since I know a lot about the rigorous schedules of athletes from my dad, not that I can tell Ryan that. “Yet you came out of retirement.”
He presses his lips together, and I can tell by the spark in his eyes that he’s trying not to laugh. “Did you look me up, Harper?”
Oh crap.
“Uh, well, I already told you that’s how I figured out your name and where you trained.”
“Fair enough.” This time he doesn’t hold back and smiles. “But yes, despite it all, I’m back for one more go at the Olympic Games. Since Zane’s out of the house now, and it’s just me, I had the brilliant idea of trying it one last time.”
“Just you in this big house?”
“Just me.”
I hold up a hand. “I’m sorry, I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact you haven’t been married. I mean have you seen yourself? How’s that possible?”
Ryan chuckles and brushes a hand through his hair, something he does a lot. “Never found the right partner to deal with all of this craziness, I suppose.” He pauses and studies me like he’s weighing his options about something. “I once thought I did, but things ended before they progressed.”
My breath hitches at his answer, and I whisper, “What happened?”
He grimaces. “She was the daughter of one of my sponsors, and whenever things didn’t go smoothly with us as a couple, I felt like I was punished or at least put in place somehow on the business side shortly after. There’s a reason why people say you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, and I’ve followed it to a T ever since. Never again. The drama and stress are not worth it.”
I gulp audibly. Hopefully he didn’t see or hear it, because crap. Did that just cement that there will never be anything between him and me? At least not as long as he’s training with my dad? The professional relationship between them must be his priority.
Maybe that’s a good thing? Would I even want to risk the relationship between my child and his or her father on the off chance that there could be something more between Ryan and me?
Maybe there could be something more between us, but what if it goes bad? In all honesty, the odds are not in my favor with my history. Everything I touch—my marriage, my job, even a freaking one-night stand—turns into some sort of shit show.
I cough awkwardly, cursing to myself, because shit, in hindsight, I really wish I could scrub this knowledge from my brain.
Ryan and I aren’t even a thing, but deep down, maybe I was hoping after some time . . . maybe down the road, this—him and me, us—could lead to something after all.
The fact I’m lying to him and my dad had already started breaking most of my hope that Ryan and I will ever be more. Adding his no-mixing-business-with-pleasure declaration smashed the last bit that was left.
Ryan gets in my line of vision. “Hey, are you in pain? Do you need anything?”
I shake my head, willing the burning sensation in the backs of my eyes to go away.
I force the corners of my mouth to lift and hope it fools him. “Sorry, just thought of something unpleasant.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He leans back, but the tension in his shoulders never leaves. “How long are you staying?”
Good question. I bought a one-way ticket because I didn’t know how long it would take to find him or what to expect.
Now that I know what I’m facing, my mind is playing emotional ping-pong with me. On one side, due to this hopeless situation, the urge to go back home grows with every passing second. It makes me want to curl up with Bacon on the couch and cry my heart out to sappy love movies. On the other hand, he’s still the father of my child, and I don’t want to waste this chance to get to know him better.
“Not sure yet. Bacon is with a neighbor, so I can’t stay forever. Maybe a few more days?”