NICCO
Jude was silent next to me as I walked into the warehouse. I wondered what he thought, heading into a place like this, or if he was even able to think about something like that. He seemed deep in thought, and I worried maybe we’d all jumped the gun too soon.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
He shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “No, which is funny because there have been so many questions I’ve wanted to ask him for years.” He stopped, turning toward me. “Yet, here I am, and nothing comes to mind. I guess… the only thing that matters is if he regrets his choice. If he doesn’t, then I know he’s not the brother I knew when we only had each other on the streets.”
I watched him, the emotions playing over his face—fear, hope, and determination. Jude was as ready as anyone in his situation could be.
“What will his answer change in your life?”
Jude thought about it for a second, looking up to meet my eyes. “A few months ago, everything. Now, I’m not sure it will have much impact on me other than whether or not he gets to be part of my life. I hadn’t really thought about it that way.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, kind of amazed at the emotional intelligence of this young man. I didn’t know if it was Loren’s influence, the life he’d lived already, or perhaps a combination of both, but I knew he was one of a kind.
“My whole life, I’ve looked up to my brother and wanted to be just like him. He was my hero when the world turned against us. I worked so hard to make him proud of me, always wanting his approval. But now… I don’t need him to be that for me anymore. I don’t need him to tell me if I’m a worthwhile person. Instead, I get to choose if he belongs in my life or not, and it has nothing to do with whether or not I’m worthy, but whether or not I allow it. It’s kind of nice not needing his approval to feel good about myself.”
“You’re kind of amazing, you know?” I smiled, pushing his shoulder. “I don’t know what the future holds for you, but I’m happy I get to be part of it. I think you’re going to do amazing things, kid.”
“Thanks.” Jude blushed, ducking his head a little. This light moment in the middle of a warehouse used to house our family’s enemies showed me what it was all about. I hadn’t always been the biggest advocate for the criminal life, wanting to escape to a life of freedom and be my own person. The thing I’d gotten wrong, though, was that those things didn’t have to be mutually exclusive. The things I wanted to feel I could have in the mafia. I just needed to open my eyes to the possibilities life granted me.
The mafia, the family… they weren’t inherently bad. Just as the outside world wasn’t exclusively good. Evil didn’t exist in a vacuum, the same as love. It was time I changed my own definition and embraced who I could fully be. Jude showed me it was possible.
“Come on, let’s go see if he is.” Clamping my hand down on his shoulder, I walked with him to the door. The guard nodded at me.
“Sir.”
“Good evening, we’d like an audience with Cameron.”
“Of course, sir.” He moved down the hall, leading us toward a door a few feet from where he’d been standing guard. The keyring jangled as he lifted it, unlocking the door. He pushed it open, nodding for us to enter.
“Do you want me to wait outside?”
Jude bit his lip but shook his head, clearing his throat. “I’d like you to enter if you’re okay with that?”
“Absolutely.”
He smiled, grateful to not have to face it alone. It was another reminder that we didn’t need to be strong on our own, not when there were others to help us along.
Stepping in, we were greeted by Cameron sitting on a bed. He lifted his head at our entrance, his eyebrows raised in shock, followed by hope and regret as he registered his brother.
“Jude, I, uh,” he swallowed. “I didn’t expect to see you here. Seems you’ve gained some friends.” He nodded toward me, his expression turning to granite as he cleared it of all emotion. Internally, I sighed, knowing he would lose his brother if he didn’t drop that tough guy act.
“The difference, Cam, is I didn’t have to sell my soul. So tell me, how much of yours is left?”
Jude leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He had a look of determination, his jaw tight as he glared at his brother. He was holding his own and not letting Cameron run him over. Jude was stronger than he knew.
“I’m afraid you won’t like the answer to that,” Cameron mumbled, dropping his head. He took a few deep breaths, his shoulders moving from the action. When he lifted his head, the hard-boiled street kid was gone, and some of the aspects I caught in Jude were there.
“How about you let me decide that? I’ve been making my own decisions for the past three years as it is, so give me the respect that I deserve.”
“You’re right. I thought leaving you was the better choice. Seeing you now, I think I was right. You’re too pure for this world, Jude. I sacrificed myself so you could have a future outside street gangs, drugs, and mobsters. So, tell me, what exactly are you doing here? How deep are you with the Mascros? Because I can tell you, it’s not a place you belong. Especially—” He stopped abruptly, holding a hand to his mouth, halting his words. Cameron shook his head, groaning out in frustration.
“What do you mean, Cameron? Is my family in trouble?”
The protective ring I’d been feeling for the kid since I met him filled in completely, flaring to life in me. He called us his family. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the kid. He was right; we were family. Puffing up my shoulders, I held my head proud, waiting until he needed me.
While I’d been feeling sentimental, it appeared Cameron had a different reaction. He jumped back like Jude had struck him. His face screwed up, his eyebrows tight as he looked at his brother.