“No, you’re trying to psychoanalyze me and use your mind juju crap on me. It won’t work. I’m skilled in the art of intimidation and manipulation.”
“And yet, you want me to trust you.”
“Yes! Haven’t I earned it?”
I sighed, tired of this conversation. It felt too similar to some of the gaslighting Brian had used, and I was now aware of it. Letting go of the seductive feel of power, I sat up, looking at him, showing my vulnerability.
“Atticus, I… it’s hard for me to believe you because you are so skilled at getting what you want. It makes me feel like I did with my ex at times, and that’s something I don’t want in my life anymore. Maybe I’m projecting that onto you a little too much, but it also seems we keep doing this dance of forward and backward while going in a circle. I’m not trying to make it difficult, even if it is fun watching you squirm. I’m trying to protect myself just as much as you are, but I’m also trying to show this damaged heart of mine that I’m worthy of love and respect.”
“I’m not trying to say you aren’t. I’m wanting to show you those things, but you’re making it really hard, and it just makes me want to run away.” Sighing, he hung his head, taking some breaths. I looked up at Sax, who was no longer watching me, but his best friend.
“I wonder if I might offer a suggestion,” Sax began, looking down at me when he noticed I was looking. “While I do find it entertaining to watch you two spar, I see the toll it’s taking on you both, and that isn’t the purpose of the tension. I’m not skilled in relationships, but maybe, you both need a do-over. Starting with the party, you both drop the walls, clean the slate, and get to know one another without any of the lies muddling it up. Maybe then you can see if you hate one another, or if that’s just a cover for the sexual tension I feel. Before either of you knew who one another was in the club, you shared a moment, so maybe you need to get back to those versions of yourself before all the mistakes were made.”
He sat back, and I stared at him, stunned. When he felt me, he tilted his head slightly, giving me a wink. “Not such a neanderthal after all, am I Spitfire?”
Laughing, I shook my head, the tension easing a little more in the enclosed space. Glancing back at Atticus, I found him watching his friend with some of the same curiosity I had.
“Did you learn that from Harry Potter too?” he asked, joking with his friend, offering him a smile.
Sax shrugged. He’d already used his words to lay some truth between us. Atticus met my eyes, and I could see the difference already. Leaning forward, I took his hand this time, and the gesture took him off guard for a second before he grasped it wholly.
“I think Sax is right. When I first met you, I did find you seductive and enchanting, especially that night at the club.” An idea came to me at the thought, and I smiled. “Somewhere along the way, you became the person I could target my anger at, not that you didn’t deserve it, but you’re right. You have been making an effort, and I haven’t wanted to admit how nice it’s felt.”
“Thank you for saying that, Loren. I have to confess that I let my jealousy and fear get the better of me, and I saw you as everything that was wrong. I hated that everyone in my family was falling for you, and yet, you were off-limits to me.”
“Why was I off-limits?”
“For several reasons, but mostly, because I feared if I let myself get attached, then you’d be taken away or even killed. I didn’t know if I could go through that pain again.”
I sucked in a breath, realizing that there was more at play here than just a man scared of being hurt. He was scared of people dying. When I thought about it that way, I guess his actions weren’t as bad. Brushing my thumb across his hand, I let out a breath.
“So, what do you say, then? We have a do-over and get to know each other on a real level and not the masks we present to people?”
“It goes against everything I’ve ever been taught, but the only word running through my head right now is yes.”
“And you’re okay with it not being just you? I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I care about more than one person, and I no longer want to give up the people or things that make me happy.”
“I’m going into this with my eyes open, knowing that you’re not something I can own. I might not like the other guys being part of it, but I can accept it and possibly grow to like it over time. I won’t ask you to give them up, though. I’m not stupid enough to be that egotistical and believe I can replace all of them. I’m not perfect, Loren, far from it, but I’ve been trying to deny how you make me feel, and all it's done is make matters worse. If there’s a way to explore the chemistry we have, then I’ll do it, even if I have to squint, so I don’t see the others.”
Smiling, I laughed a little at his response, imagining him squinting. At least he understood that. It was the one thing I knew I’d be firm on, my heart cared for them all now and I was unwilling to do without. I relaxed my shoulders as I thought about how to ask the next part.
“I know we have the benefit, and I’m to go as your date. But I was wondering,” I paused, biting my lip as my eyes dropped, some nervousness rising to the surface. When his thumb brushed against my lip, pulling it free from my teeth, my breath caught at how close he’d moved to me. His hand cupped my jaw, not moving as he gazed into my eyes.
“Yes, Bellezza? Don’t be scared to ask for what you want, remember?”
“Well, it seems that the club has been a good source of breaking the ice with both of you, and last time I was there, I didn’t get to explore some of the other rooms. Maybe, we could go, the three of us, or all of us, hell, I don’t really care, but I just thought.” I shrugged one shoulder, not knowing what else to say.
“You thought what, Lore?”
Looking up, I found his heated gaze on me, searing every inch of skin they touched. I didn’t miss how he enunciated my shortened name either, making a version all for himself full of affection.
“It would be a good way to get to know one another without any barriers.”
The corner of his mouth lifted up, and I worried I’d never recover from it. If he ever discovered the effect his smile had on me, I’d be done for. There wouldn’t be a barrier I could put in place that would keep me from giving in with that smile beaming at me.
“I think that’s a marvelous idea. Besides, it would be nice to check in on the place. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve been there.”
Blinking, I tried to piece the information together, but my brain stuttered. When he sat back, a smug expression on his face, and the cool air hit me, the Atticus haze I’d been under cleared, and I connected the dots I’d been missing.