Drawing back, my hand threaded his hair at the back of his nape. His vulnerability had been my undoing. His brashness was his shield, his protection; he sacrificed everything for his family.
And if I let myself acknowledge the elephant in the room, the secret knowledge I had now, his father hadn’t instilled confidence in him. The fact Attie was compassionate with a morality of his own making after having Dayton as a father was a testament to his strength.
“Oh, Attie, this has nothing to do with what you told me. If anything, you sharing it with me endeared you to me. You make sense to me in a whole new way.”
“Then what was it? Because I’m just as adept at reading people as you are, Lore, and I know what I saw. You put your barriers up. If it wasn’t because of what I told you, then why?”
Blowing out a breath, I searched his eyes, glancing around the table to find Sax and Nicco watching me just as intently. I briefly searched for Jude, knowing it was pointless since Imogen was with him, and while Atticus had been loosening the restraints, he would never let her be anywhere unguarded. Just as I thought that, I spotted Beau’s familiar head. He caught me staring and winked before going back to his two charges. They were talking to some other teens, and it was heartwarming to see them finding peers.
Turning back, I knew I couldn’t avoid him any longer. His face was already stern when I met it, not liking how long I’d left him waiting. The fact he was a literal mafia boss put a whole new perspective on his control issues. Opening my mouth, I searched for the right answer, willing the words to come to me.
“I… hmm. This is difficult for me to say, but… I can’t tell you,” I cringed, dropping my eyes. I didn’t want to see his disappointment. I thought I’d feel better putting that out there, but I didn’t. Atticus was staring at me when I looked back up, but it wasn’t in anger like I expected.
“I’m guessing it has something to do with your job?”
I nodded.
“Very well. As much as I want to demand you share whatever made you close yourself, I won’t. I respect your profession Loren, and I appreciate the fact you take it so seriously. It validates my decision to bring Immy to you in the first place.”
Sighing, I nodded, relief flooding me, and only a little bit of disappointment he wasn’t demanding I tell him. It would be easier if he had, removing the guilt from myself.
“Something tells me that a part of you wanted me to demand you spill, Bellezza.” He moved forward, whispering the last part in my ear as he casually freed my lip from between my teeth. “Don’t forget what I said about this lip.”
Atticus moved back a centimeter, our faces still extremely close. “I won’t demand it, but I ask if it involves my family, that you tell me before it’s too late. I believe highly in the concept of being two steps ahead of my enemies.”
I nodded, the words climbing my throat to share it right then, but they wouldn’t come, stopping at my tongue each time. The ingrained ethical dilemma of crossing that line kept halting me.
Mitzi crossed the stage we were sitting next to, taking the microphone offered to her, and Atticus and I broke apart, falling back into our seats. My hand shook under the table, and Sax reached over, linking our fingers together, and I instantly calmed.
Now that my decision was over, I felt worse than I had.
I think I was making a mistake.
Mitzi spoke about the generosity of Atticus to the center and the help Jude had been organizing it. She called him up on stage, and I sat up straighter to listen. I watched him smooth down his navy suit, taking the podium from her. He’d grown so much from the shy teen I’d met back in January. Jude went on to share his experience interning, his enjoyment in selecting the artists, and what it meant to share art that spoke to him.
A tear fell down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. Leaning forward, I grasped Atticus’ arm. “This… seeing Jude up there, this is everything. Thank you.”
He smiled at me, adoration in his eyes. “Of course. I’m glad I was able to find something meaningful. I took your words to heart, you know. I want to show you how I feel and that I’m truly sorry for my boorish behavior.”
“Only you could say boorish and get away with it.”
“Is that a compliment?” He smirked, some of the light returning to his eyes.
“If you have to ask, you’re missing the point,” I smirked, sitting back. I heard a sniffle next to me, and I turned, finding Sax rubbing his nose. He caught me looking at him and glared.
“Allergies.”
“Uh-huh.”
Chuckling, I let it go as Jude returned to the table, and we all congratulated him on his speech and how well he did.
“Why didn’t I know you were doing that?” I asked, giving him a pointed look this time.
“Oh, I guess it slipped my mind.” He ducked his head, his cheeks heating.
“Uh, huh.” I clicked my teeth, liking being the one to give him shit this time.
Mitzi came back on a few minutes later, announcing the silent auction would begin soon, and that dinner would be served in an hour.