5
ATTICUS
My hand trembled, but I shoved it in my suit pocket, hiding my nerves. I needed a drink but was worried if I started now, I wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t afford to be anything less than perfect this evening. It wasn’t meant to feel this strained with everything on the line. I’d wrestled all day with what the right call was, and when Sax barged into my office screaming that Darren had tried to take Loren, I knew he was right. He had me stretched too thin.
At least I understood what the third door was now.
He’d been implying Loren, so at least that was one less person to worry about. While I didn’t care about Crash like family, I would protect him. I’d given him my word on that, but also, he was important to people who were important to me, intertwining his fate with my own. I couldn’t sacrifice his well being for the greater good.
Which meant I either had to give into Darren or risk Camila.
I didn’t see any other option, and I couldn't see a way out of this. I loathed the idea of helping him, especially if the container he received was what I believed it to be. I wanted no part in it. We’d been too distracted, though, either by our own merits or his misdirection, and I hadn’t seen this coming.
I should’ve, but I hadn’t.
At the risk of losing everything, the solution had become clear after speaking with Loren this afternoon. And now, I just had to pray it panned out.
“You okay?” Immy asked, leaning against the railing with me.
“Peachy. Why do you ask, Immykins?” I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye, and it loosened some of the tension that had grown in my chest.
“You seem, I dunno, more on edge than usual. Is it… is it because of me?”
Turning my head, I looked at her, confusion covering my face. “You? Why on earth would you think that?”
“I dunno. I guess because I know you didn’t want me here. I overheard you and Loren earlier in the house. Sorry, I was loitering on the stairs and stopped when I heard my name.” She shrugged, sheepishly.
“Oh, Imogen. It’s not that I didn’t want you here. I always want you with me when it’s appropriate. I didn’t think you’d enjoy this type of thing. But Loren was also right that I’ve become too overprotective, trying to minimize all the bad things that could harm you, and that’s not fair to you. I never meant to isolate you or make you feel like you were incapable of being part of this world. You’re so strong, and I’m proud of you daily for the battles you’ve overcome.”
“Thank you, that um, that means the world to me.” She politely wiped the tear from her eye, and I reached out, grabbing her, pulling her into my side. We weren’t big on physical touch, but perhaps that needed to change as well.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I want you to be more involved in things. That’s if you want to, of course. I don’t want to push you into this life, but I also know I can’t hide you from it. I do need to make you aware and prepare you for whatever future you choose.”
“I think I’d like to at least see what my options are. So, maybe I could learn more about this world outside of owning a business and also go to a regular school? I think I’d like to go where Jude is.”
I paused, thinking about it. It wasn’t an outlandish request. I’d attended a prep school, along with Sax. With Immy, we’d just always been more guarded, afraid someone would use her as a pawn to get to us.
What was worse, the fact it had happened anyway, or that it was by her own father?
Maybe Loren was right, and it was time to let her make her own choices. Jude was bright, and I liked him. It wouldn’t be unwise to put a guard in at the school for him to begin with. Especially after the update Sax gave me after talking with Nicco.
“I’m open to discussing this plan with you if you’ll hear my suggestions to make sure your safety is covered.”
Immy squealed, jumping a little in my arm. “Yes, absolutely! Oh, thank you, Attie! This is just the best. I can do all the things I’ve seen on TV, like join an after-school club and go to a dance!”
When she said it out loud like that, it made me realize how sheltered we’d gotten. “We’ll talk about it, remember? There will be rules.”
“Yes, yes, I know. Just let me bask in the knowledge I get to pretend to be a regular teen for a few hours.”
“Okay. I’m glad that makes you happy. That’s all I want for you, Immy, to be happy.”
“I’m starting to be again, Attie.”
It almost broke my heart, but the sounds around me reminded me I had to remember who I was here. Perhaps, this was the real reason I didn’t want Immy here. She was my weakness, made me softer, and it was harder to wear the mask in her presence.
Kissing her forehead, I let her go and focused back out on the floor below. People were beginning to file into Upswing now. The first match was in half an hour, and the seats were filling up below. Sax wasn’t here yet, and I felt empty without his dominating presence by my side. He’d stayed to help Nicco with the Jude matter and then to ensure our piece was in play before he would arrive here.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I relaxed some more. Pulling it free, I sighed in relief when I read his message.