1
SAX
Six words. Six words were all it took to wreck my world and destroy my heart.
Her question echoed around my head, the inevitable turning point for our relationship that had begun to mean more to me than anything else. Fear unlike anything I’d felt before ran down my spine, and I involuntarily stiffened, drawing Spitfire’s attention. She assessed me with her unwavering gaze, waiting for me to answer.
“I think it’s time we had a talk. Come on, Atticus is waiting.”
Loren searched my eyes, and I tried to convey it was okay, that I wasn’t dangerous despite her question. The question that would undoubtedly change her opinion of me. I became laser-focused on her every detail, watching for any sign of fear, doubt, or even disgust, but I saw nothing.
It appeared Loren had found the one thing she could hide from me.
She eventually nodded, and the hopeful part of me sighed, praying it meant she’d hear us out, that she’d listen without jumping to conclusions. It had been running through me from the moment I’d realized I wanted her forever, and I needed to know whether or not she could take me as I was with all my buried scars and darkness. My life hadn’t been pretty, but it was one I was proud of. And now, I just wanted her to never change how she looked at me. Loren made me feel like I was more than just the muscle, more than just the intimidating asshole I’d become known as.
Loren, my spitfire, made me feel like a worthy man.
Wrapping my arm around her, I sighed some more when she didn’t pull away, but leaned into my touch, seeking it out as much as I had. As we walked through the cemetery, we were quiet, stepping around headstones and memorabilia left by loved ones. The morning air was crisp, the sound of birds the only thing you could hear as the morning dew clung to each tiny blade of grass.
If I hadn’t gotten the notification that she was in danger, I’d have been more curious about why she was here or what she’d been doing. But from the moment Beau had texted, rage and fierce protectiveness had risen up in me, and it had only been Atticus insisting he’d come along that had held me back from riding my bike at full tilt to get to her.
When the SUV came into view, I slowed, not ready for this peace to end. Stopping a few feet away, I turned, clasping her forearms. “Everything in me is screaming to shut up, to keep quiet like I’ve been trained to do, but a newer part of me, the one you’ve awakened, is yelling a little louder at the moment. It’s telling me I’d be a fool to get into that SUV without saying something, without trying to make a plea.”
Loren observed me again, taking in every detail of my face and cataloging it away. She swallowed once and gave a slight nod for me to continue. I hadn’t realized I’d been waiting for her permission, but once it registered, I caved.
“I’m not a good man, Spitfire. There are demons in my past, fuck in my present and future too. It’s the way of life I live, the one I chose to live. I never dreamed of finding someone like you who’d make me feel differently about the choices I’ve made. But there you were, minding your own business and sauntering into my heart with your fire and grace, completely wrecking all the carefully laid plans I had for myself. My hands will never be clean, and the life I lead will always be dangerous, but I need you in my life, want you in my life, and I’m hoping there’s a way to do that.”
“Why does it feel like you’re already expecting me to run away?” she whispered, moving her hand to cup my cheek. “Despite my appearance, I’ve never been ignorant of the danger you possess. I’m discovering it isn’t always easy to point out the good guys and bad guys. I’d like the chance to hear all the information before I decide anything, so maybe,” she shrugged, smiling, “give me that opportunity before you go making declarations you might not be ready to make.”
Her hand dropped, and she went to move away, but I stopped her, pulling her close to my body, leaning down to whisper into her ear.
“Oh, Spitfire, I never say anything I don’t mean. I’d keep that in mind before you go dismissing my heartfelt confessions.”
Loren’s words had given me the one inch of space I needed to breathe, allowing me to insert myself into her life where it would be impossible for her to ignore me. And I planned to use it to my full advantage. Her breath hitched as my lips brushed against her ear. I breathed in her coconut shampoo, running my nose along her neck and cupping her ass in one hand. In case it was a while before I got to touch it again, I wanted to get in a good feel.
For memories, of course.
Stepping back, I watched as she attempted to regain her composure, her breathing ragged as she blinked open her eyes. As she watched me, I shifted the steel rod in my pants, ensuring she noticed before I turned around, lacing our fingers together. Loren didn’t resist when I pulled her along, the door being opened as we neared, by Elijah, the guard standing sentinel.
Taking Loren’s hand, I assisted her into the dark space, sliding in behind her once she was seated. The door shut, and I returned to my role as a silent enforcer while I waited for Atticus to assess the situation. When he looked at me, I filled him in.
“Spitfire has a question. I felt it best for you to answer.”
“I see.”
He sat back, crossing his ankle across his knee as he waited. Mas was the epitome of a mafia boss at that moment, and there was a part of me that wanted to slap him for using his intimidation tactics on her. But I knew the score, and this was the game he had to play for the moment until we knew how she would react. When she didn’t say anything, he flicked his eyes to me.
“Go ahead, Spitfire, ask your question again.”
She turned to me, nodding before she found her voice. “Oh, um, well, you see,” she fumbled, twisting her hands in her lap. I didn’t know if she’d become flabbergasted in Atticus’ presence or if the interlude between us had been more than she’d bargained for. She took a few seconds to gather her composure, and of course, I attributed it to me.
“Yes, Mrs. Carter?” Mas asked again, probing her. She swallowed. Atticus wasn’t doing her any favors by making it easier, either.
“I’ve been thinking, and while at first, I dismissed it as a funny joke, I can’t help but wonder now. Are you,” she paused, clearing her throat before looking him directly in the eyes. “Are you in the mafia?”
Atticus watched her, giving nothing away. He was waiting her out, using his silent intimidation technique on her, which pissed me off. Clenching my jaw, I was about to tell him where to shove it when he finally opened his mouth and spoke.
“Can I ask how you came to that conclusion?”