The drive to the house was pleasant, and I listened to Jude and Monroe talk about hockey. I was thrilled when Monroe offered to take Jude out one weekend and teach him if he was interested. Not only did it make me happy to see Jude get the opportunity to try new things, but it felt nice that Monroe wanted to be in our lives, and was making an effort. It warmed my heart, really.
There was a voice in the back of my head trying to pop up and tell me it was all too good to be true, that just when I’d gotten happy, it had all been taken away, and it would happen again because inevitably, everyone left me.
Yet, that wasn’t the case anymore. The difference this time… I had me.
If I had written my own story, carved out a path I’d take in life, it wouldn’t have included the bumps and bruises I’d received along the way. I’d be living in my suburban house with my husband and our 2.5 children and dog. I’d have brunch every Sunday with my parents, and I’d go to PTA meetings for fun.
It was a nice story, one I would’ve been happy to live.
But it wasn’t my story, or the one I really wanted to live anymore.
I was learning to let go of the preconceived perceptions of the life I’d dreamed and open myself up for all the possibilities this life could give me.
No, I hadn’t wanted to be divorced at thirty-two, but I also wouldn’t have met Nicco, Saxon, or Monroe. It was doubtful I would’ve even met Wells, kickboxing not even on my radar before this past year. And while it was possible I would’ve still met Atticus and Imogen, I wouldn’t have become inserted into their lives. Nor would I have met Jude.
The realization I could be living a life where I didn’t know him, and he was left alone, broke my heart. I didn’t want to replace my grief with focusing on him, filling one hole with something else, but I couldn’t deny the joy he’d brought to my life, or the sense of purpose.
Not having these experiences, meeting these men, or being a part of their lives wasn’t something I would ever trade now. The pain of them leaving had hurt, but I’d survived it. I’d shown myself I could be strong. It was an experience and lesson I wouldn’t want to have missed.
So, yes, self, they could leave me. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow. It didn’t mean I was going to stop living. I’d done that already, and it hadn’t been enjoyable.
The car came to a stop again, our door opening the second it did, and I found myself squeezing and hugging Jude before I unbuckled my seatbelt. He hugged me back, giving me an odd look when I pulled away.
“Everything okay, Lor?”
“Yeah.”
Smiling, I squeezed his hand and climbed out of the car. Monroe stepped up next to me, and I watched him as he took in the place.
“What did you say he does?”
“No clue. It’s all very secretive. I know they own some restaurants and have something to do with fighting,” I shrugged. “I’ve found it’s better to not ask questions.”
“That’s not foreboding or anything.”
Blowing out a breath, he linked our hands together, and we followed the black-suited men inside. Sax waited at the foot of the elevator, giving me his patented crooked smile.
“Spitfire, it seems you really can’t get enough of me. This is now day four.”
“Hmm, I believe I was invited by Atticus tonight, not you.”
He chuckled, his eyes promising me all kinds of dark desires. The man was not safe for my sense of decorum or panties. Thankfully, he turned his stare to Monroe before I decided to jump on him.
“Mr. Miller, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Saxon.”
“Monroe is fine. It’s nice to meet you too.”
They shook hands, and I found it strangely attractive to see Monroe not be intimidated by the massive paw of Sax’s.
“I’m impressed, Sax. I didn’t know you had manners in you.”
Monroe chuckled at my tease, and we all walked into the elevator. Sax smirked, not saying anything, which heightened my anticipation.
“Loren, are you hanging out with Imogen before dinner? I know you’d originally said tomorrow, but since you’re here now, I wasn’t sure what your plans were?”
“Yes, if she’d like to.” He nodded, then looked at Jude and Monroe. “Mr. Young is in the fitness arena. I can drop you both off there, or I can take you to a different part of the complex. There’s a movie theater, music room, library, or even a dark room.”
Jude looked at me, and I gave him a soft smile. “You’re 17, hun. You don’t have to stay with Monroe if you want to check out something else.”