Walking into the center, I realized how much I was looking forward to meeting with Mitzi today, unlike my last visit here, where I was dreading it out of social obligation. The teen girl at the counter still appeared as happy to be there as last time, but it didn't bother me as much today.
"Can I help you?" she droned, twirling her hair as she doodled.
"I'm here to meet with Mitzi."
At my words, she looked up, taking me in. Slowly, she grabbed the phone, punched in some numbers, and then sat it back on its cradle. I wasn't sure how she communicated anything that way, but a few minutes later, Mitzi came walking out with a smile on her face.
"Loren. So happy you could come in. Come, come." She gestured in the direction of her office.
Walking to her, I smiled in return, noticing how different things felt this time. Sometimes, I had these moments as a therapist where I realized the stuff I preached to my clients did, in fact, work. Not that I hadn't believed it wouldn't before, but more that I hadn't needed to use it in the same way. Now, my life felt like a constant example of what not to do. Taking the same seats we had last time, I waited to see what she had to say.
"How are things going, Loren?"
"Well, that's a hard question to answer, but in general, I guess well."
"I'm happy to hear that. I was hoping to see if you had decided on anything we talked about last week?"
"I have, actually. I think," I started, swallowing, "I would like to take on a more hands-on role with Jude and be his mentor."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" She clapped, a massive smile on her face. "He'll be so thrilled. I really think he connected with you. He talked about the art show last week in detail to anyone that would listen." She beamed.
Happiness filled my chest briefly, so foreign, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like, but at the sunny flutters, a small amount of hope planted itself in my chest. The darkness in me wanted to root it out and shun it away, having gotten used to reigning, but a small part of the person I used to be clung tightly to it like a life raft drifting at sea.
"What are the rules and limits of this type of relationship? I just know with counseling, I can't do a lot of things."
"Oh, well, it's very different here. Once your background check clears, which we know it will, then you're allowed to spend time with your mentee however you choose. Under certain circumstances, there can be overnight visits, but that has to be pre-approved, of course."
"Wow, okay. I didn't realize I could do so much with him."
"Most of these kids don't have adult relationships at home, so finding someone they connect with can be the difference between staying off the streets and ending up in desperate situations. You're doing a good thing here, Loren." She patted my hand on the table, offering me reassurance.
"Thanks, I think I'm ready for this."
"What about the other things we discussed?"
"I want to see how this goes first, and then we can see about more if that works?"
"Of course, absolutely. Well, let's get you signed up, and then you can tell Jude the news."
I spent the next twenty minutes filling out forms, and I half wondered if I'd just signed over my firstborn. Despite the intensive details they needed, I did understand the reasoning. It just sucked when I was on the other side of it. It was early afternoon, so I was hoping he'd be here, but Mitzi had also given me his foster parents' address in case I needed it. They lived in an area I wasn't familiar with, and I had a weird feeling I'd need someone to go with me. Oddly, it felt nice to know I had people in my life at the moment to do that.
Scanning the common room, I didn't see Jude among the other kids there. Deciding not to waste time, I was hoping they would know where he was so I wouldn't have to play hide and seek.
"Excuse me, have you guys seen Jude around?"
One of them looked up from the game they were playing, assessing me before answering.
"Down the hall in the darkroom," he nodded.
Waving my thanks, I headed in the direction he'd indicated and hoped the doors were labeled. Thankfully, I found the red light outside one, so I knocked, knowing how imperative it was not to ruin the film development. A minute later, the light turned off, and the door opened, a disheveled Jude in tow. He blinked at me as he adjusted to the light, confusion covering his face.
"Loren?"
"Hey. Wow, I feel awkward all of a sudden." I laughed. Rolling my shoulders back, I braced myself to state my purpose. He was a teenager, and I, the adult, could handle this. "So listen, I really enjoyed meeting you and—"
"But you can't do anything else, yeah, I get it. It was nice meeting you," he answered, cutting me off. He started to shut the door back, and I put my foot in it to stop it.
"Actually, no. I get it. You're used to people letting you down, or telling you that they would love to do something but can't, so you jumped to conclusions to protect yourself. But I think you should give me the chance to speak for myself. It's the polite thing, at least."