Instinctively I understand that speaking to her about it now would only make the situation more fraught. I don’t have a plan for what to say, and talking about this with Ella requires serious consideration, not spontaneity. There is far too much on the line to leave things to chance. I will tell her when I know exactly how it will be handled and ended. That way she’ll have nothing to concern herself with.
“I’m taking you to dinner.” There. That’s a decision. Move our venue. Give us both some time to reset and calm down.
Ella’s expression falters. “I know that’s not what you were talking to Kam about.”
“No, jailbird, it wasn’t. But I’m not ready to talk about it with you. And you’re not ready to hear it.”
“Z …”
“Do you trust me?”
She bites her lip. “Yes.”
“I know it’s hard, jailbird, but you need to keep trusting me now.”
“Well, it feels like you don’t trust me. It feels like you’re hiding something because you think I’m too fragile.”
“That isn’t the case.”She tries to look down and away. “Ella. You are not weak. You’re my submissive and I provide for you. This is what I want from you. Control in all things. I crave your burdens. Give them to me.”
There’s a shift. It’s slight, but it’s there. “But …”
“Trust me.”
I know what I’m asking from her, and it’s not easy to give it. But if we’re going to get through this, and we are going to get through this, we need to be able to sit in these uncomfortable spaces.”
Ella gives a shallow nod.
I lean down and kiss her.
When our lips touch, it doesn’t erase the tension. I can still feel it in her body. But on a physical level, there’s no misunderstanding between us. It’s her lips against mine and then her tongue against mine, both of us seeking the other. It makes me hot for her. Too hot.
I pull away slowly from the kiss. “Come on. Get your shoes.”
Her brow furrows. “I’m not dressed to go out.”
I smirk down at her. She looks beautiful even if only in a flannel button-down and a faded pair of jeans. “Then I’ll wait. You can change and we’ll go wherever you’d like, jailbird.”
“You make me feel like a jailbird more now than I have in a very long time.”
Tension fills the room again. All I want is to put all of this behind us. The tumultuous and terrible things she’s experienced. The growing threat that I’ll handle along with the rest of the team. I want her to have a life like any other person who isn’t a client of The Firm. As close as a socialite like her can get, anyway.
I can almost see it. A life beyond secretive conversations and conservatorships. I can practically envision her, happy at my side for whatever life throws at us.
The silence goes on for a beat too long, as if Ella is going to argue with me. The expression on her face looks like she’s on the verge of spiraling. Of getting caught up in the meaning of us and The Firm and why I call her jailbird.
“Are you mine, Ella?” There is no negotiation in my tone.
She seems to return to me. “Yes,” she says.
I lean in close to her mouth and nip her bottom lip. “Yes, what?”
“Yes, sir.”
No matter what’s happening between us, there’s always a dark twinkle in her eyes when she responds to me that way.
“You’re always my fucking jailbird. Now go get changed.”