But she did what she had to and if they wanted to call her a bitch…
So be it.
The Brotherhood Protectors was proving to be vastly different.
“I saw red and I punched him. Just once. But it was enough. I told him if he ever made a comment like that again, I’d be asking for him to be reassigned.”
“I take it he kept his mouth closed.”
“He did. About that. But there was tension. And there had been with us from the get-go,” Walker said. “However, I have to admit, Lee was good at his job. I could trust him in the field. He did occasionally question my decisions. He always had an opinion and sometimes they weren’t welcome.”
“What did you do?”
“I spoke to my first team leader about him and he told me to give it some time. That maybe Lee had been passed over for his own team or there was some other reason for his attitude. But that I should stand firm with him and make sure I didn’t lose control of my team, which I never did.”
“Not sure you can fix sexism,” Fay said under her breath.
“I don’t disagree with that statement.” Walker strolled across the kitchen, turned the chair, and straddled it. He sipped his coffee before making eye contact. “But my mentor wasn’t talking about that because I hadn’t even mentioned Lee’s issues with women. It was more about this constant antagonistic nudge he gave me. It wasn’t something that could always be seen on the surface. Sometimes I wouldn’t even know he had needled me until I’d gone home and had a chance to think about it. At first I thought it was because I couldn’t let go of what he said about my sister.” Walker set his mug on the table and swiped his hand over his mouth. “Tammy and I were Irish twins.”
“Who was older?” Fay continued to lean against the counter, keeping her distance. She could tell that Walker was quite emotional and she wanted to respect that.
“I was. By ten months,” he said. “We were really close. Actually, we graduated the same year. Went to the Naval Academy together. We did almost everything together, except she wanted to fly and I wanted to be a SEAL.”
“I met your sister,” Fay admitted.
Walker snapped his gaze toward her and blinked. “You never told me that.”
“There never seemed to be the right time.” She let out a long breath. “It was about ten years ago and I was working as an intelligence officer on a mission. I briefed her and her squadron. When it was all over, I had the privilege of shaking all of their hands. I heard she received an Air Medal.”
“She did and she credited the intel she received.”
“It was her flying,” Fay said. “I had nothing to do with that.”
Walker nodded. “She was amazing. But let me tell you, I hated going up with her in her personal plane. The one she built.” Walker’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when he spoke about his sister. The admiration he had for her was untarnished. “Circling back to Lee. I couldn’t let things continue to fester, so one night, I took him out for a beer and I asked him if he had a problem with me or my leadership. He told me he didn’t always agree with my decisions and felt it was his duty to call me out when he believed we could be doing something better. That night, we came to an understanding.”
“What was that?”
“If he had a problem, he could take it up with me, in private. Not in front of others. If he continued to have an attitude, he wouldn’t be on my team much longer.”
“What happened?” Fay asked.
“Things got better and for a while, I thought we’d turned a corner, but then we got a new counterintelligence officer on the base that became our point. Her name was Tina.”
“I bet Lee didn’t like that.” Fay tugged at the elastic holding her hair on top of her head.
“He didn’t believe she could do her job and he questioned a piece of intel we received on every mission. Any little thing that went wrong became her fault. Before you became the scapegoat for our failed mission, it was Tina.”
“No offense, but you fueled that fire.”
“I know.” Walker held her gaze. “And I was wrong. But it wasn’t because you’re a woman. That had absolutely nothing to do with it.”
“I’ll give you that.”
“I also wasn’t influenced by Lee. I’m a grown-ass man and I make my own decisions. Judgments. And mistakes. There was one reason I believed you caused the breach in that extraction—”
“The fact that my exact words were echoed from the enemy,” she finished for him. “I know. I read the report and that haunts me and why I searched for that fucking mole, but couldn’t find him.”
“Or leak. It doesn’t have to be a mole,” Walker said. “But somehow specifics of your plan were given to the enemy.” Walker held up his hand. “It wasn’t the first time something like that happened, and it won’t be the last. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Thank you, but I do play a role in those deaths. It was my decision and I knew we had a blind spot.” She appreciated Walker’s words, but it didn’t change the fact that three people were dead. “Are you surprised Lee retired?” She needed to move past the trauma of what happened and into what was coming their way.
“I am. I figured he’d stay in forever. I wasn’t sure how he’d handled not being in the field, but I didn’t see him as one to leave the Navy.” Walker stood and made his way toward the sink where he washed out his mug. “I could see him working intelligence. Any place where he could have control of a situation. That’s what he liked. To be in control and to be important.”
“That’s not the credence for a SEAL. Every single special forces man or woman that I’ve met doesn’t have that need.”
“There are a few in the ranks who have that desire. They generally don’t rise to power, but they exist.”
Fay had realized that she’d read Walker all wrong, both during their mission and when they’d worked together at Wind River. He kept his emotions close to his vest. He didn’t hold a grudge, but he had been wounded. Both mortally and emotionally. His backlash toward her hadn’t been about her at all, but more about his own idea of failure.
Something she could understand.
Everyone needed someone or something to blame. For a brief moment in time, he chose her and she couldn’t blame him because in part, she did too.
“I have to ask,” Fay started. “Do you really think Lee is going to believe the two of us could possibly be in a relationship?”
“The bigger problem isn’t me dating you; it’s me dating anyone,” Walker said. “My entire career has been a series of short flings. I’ve never had a serious girlfriend.”
She lowered her chin. “Never?”