His last words were so soft that I nearly missed them as I walked away. “No, you’re definitely more...”
chapter twelve
The stinging in my shoulder finally began to fade after Nixie left. She hadn’t been the tenderest nurse, but I could definitely feel a difference in the wound. I couldn’t believe my eyes when she arrived... It felt so surreal that I had assumed she was merely a fever dream, yet some way, somehow, it had truly been her. My plan had been successful after all, and now she was planning to return until she had nursed me back to health. It wasn’t an ideal scenario, but it had been effective, nonetheless. It would be simple to establish a connection with her if she continued to visit me, or at least... that’s what I hoped.
Nixie had openly flirted with me, but she wasn’t necessarily making things easy. She was bold and fearless and had faced my teases with confidence. She didn’t have a problem poking fun at me, but it didn’t come off as obnoxious as Miron’s taunts. It was almost like I had finally found an even match for my verbal sparring. She could take the hits and then throw them back with ease.Is this what real flirting is like?It certainly wasn’t the over-exaggerated giggles that most women offered me at court.
She hadn’t been at all what I’d expected. When I first concocted the idea to trick her into loving me, I had anticipated her to be... well, shallow. Most women who ran in the circles of royalty were, but I suppose it was foolish to think otherwise when she was brought up in more humble circumstances. Despite likely being a royal, we were from completely different worlds. So how was it possible that we had so much in common? We were both fighting to be free from the control of others. While she wanted to run from her prospective crown, I was trying to flee from my father’s control. The king may masquerade that he’s testing his sons to be the next king, but in reality, he’s merely tricking us into doing his dirty work. If I finally prove myself, then perhaps, I’ll finally rid myself of his shadow.
But to win against Father, I have to marry Nixie... Then she’ll be the one to lose.
I picked up the worn dagger and balanced it delicately in my shaky hands. The infection fever still burned through my blood, making it difficult to handle the weapon with any precision. I held the blade close to the fire’s light, intently inspecting the years of knicks and scratches.What had she been using the dagger for?The question burned in me almost as intensely as the guilt that had overrun me when she brought up my home kingdom.
“That would be horrifying,”she had said, comparing my kingdom to the most terrifying villain she could imagine.
And that villain is me...
More than just my shoulder stung at the thought. Every part of me felt like a monster as I recognized that I had become the embodiment of this woman’s greatest fear. We shared the same fear—of being forced into a role of submission where we had no power over our choices— but was I truly wretched enough to force my own fear onto someone else? Father would certainly be proud. She still had no knowledge of my true identity, but that didn’t change the fact that I was still Prince Killian of Ashbourne, and my sole purpose for pursuing her was to inherit her unwanted throne and outwit my brothers.
Is that the only reason, though?
I thought back to her vibrant green eyes.What kind of Sybettian had eyes like that?They had gripped me with so much concern and longing to help—and no one had ever shown me that sort of compassion before. My father raised us to be self-sufficient, so we were certainly never coddled. It was strange to be offered assistance by someone who had nothing to gain. Nixie didn’t know I was a prince, so she couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive for helping me. People never treated me like that, not even my own family. Compassion was a fool’s emotion. In the back of my mind, I knew that my flirts and advances were meant to be a strategic act, but so much of the real me kept slipping through into my words.Am I being too careless?
I set the blade down gently, still keeping it within reach. Nixie would despise me if I ever told her my true identity, and for some reason, that ate at me. For my plan to succeed, I would have to marry her while lying to her face, and then what? I would have her kingdom, but would she ever forgive me?
Miron’s impish voice laughed in the back of my head, as if to tell me that it didn’t matter if she forgave me or not. Power was the only thing my family cared about, and anything else made you weak.
So, the question was... when did I get so weak?
When I stepped back into Minerva’s cottage, she instantly let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, thank goodness, you’re back. I was beginning to worry that you had been attacked by one of the local bandits. You really shouldn’t linger outside for so long; this isn’t exactly the safest part of the kingdom.” She pressed a hand against her chest, steadying her fretting heart as she directed me toward the wood pile.
I dropped my collection of sticks into the crate full of kindling. “I’m sorry I worried you. There was hardly any dry wood, so I had to comb through the forest a few times.” I shrugged, giving her an apologetic smile as I looked down at the meager collection of wood. “This was all I could find. I’ll go back out in the morning and search again to help build up the pile before the next rain.”
Minerva pressed her lips together like she wanted to debate my idea of going out again, but she merely sighed again. “Just be careful, Nixie. It’s not safe for a young woman to be roaming alone, especially after all the circulating rumors about a lost princess.” She turned her attention back toward the fire, carefully tucking another stick into the hearth.
Fortunately, her redirected attention prevented her from noticing the blood drain from my face.So, she had heard the rumors...“Oh? Those silly rumors have reached all the way to the west have they?” I asked coolly, keeping my tone level. “It’s all utter nonsense if you ask me. There’s no way the princess could have survived all those years ago.”
Minerva’s ears pricked up and she turned her icy blue eyes from the fire to me. Her piercing gaze startled me momentarily, and I found myself averting my eyes, turning my attention to the half-completed biscuit dough resting in a bowl on the edge of the table. My hands were itching to do something, so I picked up a handful of dough and began to knead it, sectioning out small rolls of dough to bake.
Minerva’s intrigued gaze never left me as I tended to the dough. “What makes you so certain that she perished?” she asked with a curious smile. “From what I overheard, her remains were never found, so it’s entirely possible that she still lives today. I, for one, think it would be wonderful if she returned to become queen. This kingdom could certainly use a little proper guidance after all these years.” Her tone grew a little harsher as she spoke, and I began to wonder if she blamed Sybettals current state on their lack of a monarchy instead of their oppression from Ashbourne.
I balled up another piece of dough, gently setting it on a patch of floured table. “It sounds like a nice change, but what could an untrained princess do for us anyway?” I asked sourly, my hands squeezing the dough with a little more aggression. “A title alone doesn’t make anyone fit to rule. Even if the princess was alive, she likely wouldn’t possess a semblance of grace or propriety that was required of royals. She would be forced into a role she knew nothing about, and probably wanted nothing to do with.” My fist tightened around the dough, squishing the soft goo out between my fingers. I blinked at the mess for a dumbfounded moment, then quickly rerolled the ball before Minerva noticed.
I cast a glance back at the woman, but she was already tending to the fire again, raising the temperature enough to bake the biscuits. “Well, that would be a mighty simple problem to solve,” she said smoothly, not even an ounce of worry slid into her careless tone. “The girl would merely require a mentor—someone who could help mold her into the princess she was meant to be. Naturally, it may take a little time for her to reach the standards set for a proper royal, but I believe the kingdom would be willing to be patient with her in such a case.”
My expression stiffened as I observed her smooth movements from the fireplace to the table. She spoke as if such a change was merely a matter of learning how to curtsey. I understand that Minerva had been raised in a more prestigious household, but royals had to spend their entire life being held to the highest standards. If I—I mean, Estelle was required to take the throne, could she even do it? A soft voice whispered in the back of my mind until it crystallized into the familiar tone of my mother’s reassurance.The princess couldn’t have survived...
“That won’t happen. I’m sure the princess is long gone,” I said quietly, mostly needing to speak the thought aloud more for my sake than Minerva’s.
Despite my whispered tone, she still flicked her eyes back at me, a slim glimmer of irritation burned behind her sapphire pupils. “Why are you so sure? It’s not as if you know anymore than the other locals.” Her tone was vaguely curious, as if she was silently challenging me to prove her wrong.
I continued to work the dough, but my attention was far more focused on my hostess.Why is she so interested in the princess all of a sudden?It seemed reasonable to believe that she was merely hopeful that her new home wouldn’t be left ungoverned, yet I still found it odd that she felt so strongly about the issue. “I don’t know much more than the average person.” I held my tongue briefly, debating the pros and cons of sharing my mother’s words.It should be fine as long as she doesn’t know I’m adopted.“But my mother used to work in the palace, before the invasion.”
That got her attention. Minerva’s focus instantly shifted from the fire to me, her perfectly poised shoulders rose upward in surprise and interest. “Oh? That’s certainly fascinating.” Her tone was far more thoughtful than it had been previously, and her rapt attention made me fear I had already said too much.
“She was only a maid,” I rushed out, a touch of nerves straining my voice. “She never saw the princess, but she did see the fires that overtook the palace. According to her, it would have been impossible for a baby to make it out alive. I don’t see how Princess Estelle could still be alive in such a case.” I gave a sad shrug, then balled the last clump of dough and sat it in a row alongside its unbaked companions.
Minerva nodded, remaining oddly silent as she collected the dough and placed it on a baking stone. “I suppose it was a little too good to be true,” she said quietly, placing the stone of biscuit dough above the crackling fire. “At least there are plenty of other things to look forward to in life, like introducing you to Mr. Nevio for example! As soon as the biscuits are ready, we’ll pack them up and pay him a visit. I truly believe you’ll enjoy each other’s company.” She giggled sweetly, and in the blink of an eye, she was back to her charming self. It was odd that she had been so curious about Sybettal’s politics, but I suppose the entire kingdom was enraptured by it at the moment. At least now she wasn’t going to carry around the false hope that the princess would return.