When we weren’t fighting over morals or trying to hunt down murderers, we were surprisingly comfortable in each other’s company. Perhaps I could chalk it up to everything we’d been through together. We’d witnessed some of the darkest parts of one another while hunting down Bastien. With our horrible secrets revealed, we had little to worry about with one another.
Yet, there were things that I hadn’t yet confessed. And Maddox still thought I’d forced him to murder Bastien. I swallowed my sigh, the easy comfort suddenly overtaken by tension. I studied Maddox’s profile.
He had narrow features that should have been sharp. Somehow it made him elegant. He could have been an elven prince if he had pointed ears. His dark eyes balanced the ethereal features and made him more human. I found myself leaning into him, drawn in by those eyes.
His attention was on me, too. He leaned in and cupped my cheek. My breath hitched. I wanted him to kiss me again. He’d done it once before, his lips rough against mine to break me out of a panic attack.
Maddox let out a groan and pressed his forehead to mine. My heart sank when I realized I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. I put a hand on his thigh and let my nails drag along his pantleg. His breath shuddered out of him when he felt my bruising touch.
“No,” was all he said.
I swallowed my desire. I wasn’t going to push this. Though I could see the desire in him, I couldn’t ask him to give me something he wasn’t willing to give.
Maybe we were happy in each other’s presence, but that didn’t mean we would make a good couple. His libido might want this, but if his heart wasn’t in it, then I didn’t want it.
Besides, Maddox likely had a mate waiting for him. He’d become a shifter, recently. Fate bound all shifters to mates that would be their perfect match. I highly doubted that would be me. I was a mess, and Maddox needed someone stable.
There was also the problem of my Reaper lifespan. I wasn’t going to live for much longer. Fate would pluck me from the world of the living and put me to work on the other side. As badly as I wanted to stay here with Maddox, I knew we weren’t meant to be together.
And it fucking sucked.
I sighed and leaned back in my seat. “You’re right.”
Maddox grunted. He grabbed the remote but didn’t change the channel. I noticed his white-knuckled grip on it. The plastic would shatter under his grip, soon, but I wasn’t going to tell him.
Maddox
In the deadof the night, with Addie asleep in the guest bedroom, I went outside. The dark foliage of the trees rustling in the evening wind settled the restlessness bubbling inside me. I stared into the shadows and turned over the day’s events.
What we’d discovered left several implications that I did not like.
I turned inward and tried to rouse the beast within me.
Are you responsible for this?
The beast did not respond. Instead, it filled me with the need to go back to Addie and climb into her bed. The beast didn’t ask for anything sexual. It simply wanted to be in her presence for a while longer.
I’d already lost one lover. I wasn’t going to take the chance with another, especially not with her. Addie threw me for a loop over and over again. I believed she had the best intentions, and for that, I couldn’t hate her. However, she could have tried harder. She could do so much more, and her failings cost me too much.
She cost me my humanity. She cost me justice for Bastien’s victims.
And yet, I wanted her all the same. I hated myself for the tug deep in my gut that dragged me back to her. This case didn’t even need her. I could have done all the footwork on my own, yet I’d knocked on Addie’s door all the same.
She could control me, though. If I was the one behind these murders, I would need Addie at my side. I trusted her enough to keep me from hurting others. She’d kept her suspicions to herself, but I could see the clues, too.
There was a chance that I had hurt people. I wasn’t going to do anything until I was certain, however…if I hurt anyone, then I would have to turn myself in.
That meant leaving Addie forever. Not only would I starve without her, but I had a feeling that my beast would riot. A human prison wouldn’t be able to contain the thing living inside me now. The beast would break free of my body and wreak havoc on unsuspecting humans.
I thought of the dragon that’d I’d fought a while back. He was one of Addie’s friends, and a kind of leader, if I remembered correctly. I considered getting in touch with him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted another man to make a final decision for me. He had a community to protect. I couldn’t contact him until I was certain.
Don’t leave her.The beast issued the command, and my body locked up.
I snarled at the wolf. It snarled back. We were trapped in this ongoing battle.
Go back to her.
“Addie is sleeping. I’m not going to disturb her.” I could have been quieter, but I was tired of this fight.