I hate saying it, but I won’t just let him wrap his arms around me and pretend. This isn’t a game. It’s real and it’s scary. I need to be steps ahead of my club at all times. If I’m not, I’ll end up in a fucking body bag.
“I meant every word I said, babe. You think it’s easy to stay away from you? I did it because you were nervous about your old man. Obviously, I made the right decision. If this wasn’t because of me, I’d fucking hate to see what would be. I know he left a few hours ago. I was going to be at your place tonight,” he says.
I search his eyes and I know he’s being honest. It relaxes me and makes me feel like a fool. I’m always expecting the worst. Not because of him, just because that’s how everything in my life has played out. My mom was killed in a car accident when I was a kid. My father didn’t want to raise a girl, but he had no choice. His solution was to bring me to the club house. I ran around while they sold drugs. I’ve seen more shit, more death, more destruction, than anyone should. It just became the only thing I knew. The club was my family. My father let girlfriends and wives of members care for me. Every time I got close to someone, they were either killed or run off. I started not to trust anyone, because I knew they’d leave. The only one who never did was Zane. I should know by now, but I still expect to turn around and he’ll be gone. Everyone I’ve loved I’ve lost. Everyone I hate keeps getting closer.
“Harper,” Zane says, pulling me out of my sad thoughts.
“I’m scared, Z. I’m scared to be here, I’m scared to be with you, but I’m terrified to lose you,” I finally admit.
“Babe, don’t be scared. If you lose me, it’s because I lay my life down for you. That’s the only way it’ll happen. I told you, here you are welcome.”
“Am I?” I question.
His brows dip down as he turns his head slightly. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Brooks saying it was great to see me, with a smile. I didn’t even know that asshole had the muscles to smile. Makes me question shit,” I say.
He laughs and kisses me quickly. “That shit had nothing to do with you. He was counting money before we walked out. It’s the only thing that makes him smile.”
“I can really be here?”
“I wouldn’t let you if you couldn’t. You’re safe here, babe. Nothing bad will happen to you. No one will touch you or hurt you. I’m not the only one who loves you in this place,” he says.
It touches me. I know it’s true though. I may be the enemy, but I wasn’t always. They know both sides. It’s like how I feel about them. I love them, I grew up with them. We’ve laughed, cried, drank, and had countless dinners together. Once my father pulled me in, there was nothing I could do. I had to stay away. It wasn’t a choice. But, it doesn’t make me feel any differently toward this club. They tried to pull me away, keep me safe. Sometimes, I wish I would’ve let it happen.
“I still have to work, Z,” I say with a laugh.
“You’re not a hostage. You can come and go whenever you want. I’d rather have you come on so many different levels,” he says with a wink. “But, I’ll take what I can get.”
I stare at him before grabbing his hands. “You really want this? Because it’s not a game. We can’t talk about club shit, which will be hard. I’m asking, can you handle it all?”
“I want this more than you’ll ever understand, Harper. I can’t stop what happens between our clubs, you know that. But, I can promise to protect you through whatever shit happens. You need to accept that,” he explains.
“I do.”
“Do you? Because I’m not going to hide when your old man gets back, Harper. I won’t start shit, but I’m not gonna back down either,” he says.
I reluctantly sit down on the bed. There’s so much shit running through my head, I can’t even stand. This is such a bad idea, the worst idea. My father will kill him while I watch. I know that in my soul. But, my heart tells me to give in to what I want most. Zane. He’ll never be welcome in my club. He’ll never be greeted with fake smiles and hugs. He’ll be beaten or shot. I can’t live with the thought that he dies because of me.
I glance up at his handsome face. There’s no one else that can make me feel the way he does. It’s not just the sexual attraction, which in itself would be enough. It’s the way I feel safe with him. I’m always looking over my shoulder, and always have my guard up. Except when I’m with him. Maybe it’s what keeps me coming back, I don’t know. I just know that if I leave again, I will return. It’s how our story goes...until death do us part.
My eyes lock with his. “I don’t want to be the reason you die, Zane,” I whisper with a shaky voice. He goes to interrupt, but I hold up my hand and continue. “But, I need you too much to fight this anymore. I’m in, all in.”
He kneels in front of me and kisses me. It’s soft and sweet. His fingers sink into my hair and I wrap my arms around him. He’s mine.
Chapter 7
Zane
“Z, we got a problem,” Kace yells, banging on the door.
“Fuck,” I mutter, and stand up. “I’ll be right back.”
I hate leaving her, but I need to go handle whatever is going on. She understands though, this isn’t strange to her. She knows this world, the responsibilities. It’s what’s great and what isn’t.
I open the door and Kace has a grin on his face. “Shut the hell up,” I say.
He doesn’t say a word, just slaps me on the back. We go sit at the table as Brooks and Enzo walk in.