He looked down at Imogen and the baby. “I’m going to stay longer. Imogen would like a tea.”
The nurse arched a brow in his direction and then turned her attention to the patient. “Would you prefer to rest?”
Theo compressed his lips, unused to being gain-said.
Imogen met his eyes, and his heart stuttered to a complete halt. Was she going to reject him? To send him packing? Because he didn’t fancy his chances against the nurse. His gut plummeted but then, Imogen spoke with soft resignation. “Soon. May we have five more minutes?”
“Of course, darlin’. That’s up to you.” The nurse moved to the baby and peeked into the blanket, smiling at the pink cherub. “I’ll bring you a tea.”
Theo suspected he’d be pushing his luck to ask for one too; besides, he wasn’t sure he could eat or drink.
“Press the button if you need me,” she said, a warning glance tossed in Theo’s direction.
Imogen nodded, but she couldn’t look at Theo. She stared straight ahead, her face pinched.
“You have five minutes.”
He nodded, weighing his words carefully, seeking the most direct way to explain. “Marie and I… you know we wanted kids. Or I did. We tried for years and it just didn’t happen for us. And the longer it took her to fall pregnant, the more I started to wonder what was wrong. She refused to see specialists and I didn’t want to push it. In hindsight, that should have been a warning, but I just felt so bad. Knowing we wanted a baby but couldn’t conceive– the guilt was intense. I went and got checked out; everything with me was fine.” He cleared his throat, shrugging his broad shoulders. “We weren’t a great couple, anyway. I think I’d fallen out of love with her even before we married. But we’d known each other a long time and I didn’t want to hurt her. Not in the midst of the whole infertility thing. It was a foul, foul mess.”
Imogen swallowed. “God! How convenient it must have been to have me come along with a ready-made baby for you and her to raise together.”
“Please, let me explain,” he said with quiet determination. His hand lifted of its own accord to the baby’s head. He stroked it gently, just one large, unsteady finger brushing over the pale hair. “We divorced, but afterwards Marie… got pregnant.”
Imogen froze, her eyes enormous, awash with dark emotions as she stared at him. Theo continued, “I couldn’t believe it. After years of trying, what were the chances she’d actually conceive once our divorce was through?” He ground his teeth together as his eyes hooked to Imogen’s. He registered her surprise. He understood it.
“She was pregnant?”
He nodded. “Intentionally.”
“But how? If you guys had been trying… It must have just been a question of timing.”
His smile was cool, as the pain of the past washed over him. “She’d been on the pill. Our whole marriage. She didn’t want kids, but then it occurred to her that it might get me back.”
Imogen’s stomach churned. Sorrow for Theo was thick inside of her, but her own pain was making it hard to give him what he needed. What she wanted to offer by way of condolences and platitudes.
“When I found out how she’d been lying to me, it killed the last dying flames of loyalty and affection. It was over. There was no love left between us.”
Imogen looked away from him. Their baby was warm and delicious. She cradled her and stared at the tiny little face, all wrinkled and pink. “What happened?” A croak.
“When she realized I wasn’t going to go back to her, she had
an abortion.”
Imogen froze, midway through rearranging the baby. Her head crashed upwards, her eyes locking to Theo’s. “What?”
“She sure as hell didn’t want a baby when we were married. She was willing to put up with one if it meant I’d go back to her. But when I told her we were done, she had an abortion.” Guilt flooded him. “I should have known. I should have waited. Pretended. But I never believed her capable of such a vile, selfish, heinous act.”
It took Imogen several long seconds to gather her wits and find her words. “God, who could? You’re saying she deliberately got pregnant and then …”
He nodded, his eyes reflecting the truth of his sadness and loss. “So you can see why nothing on earth would make me wish I was having a baby with her instead of you. I would never trust her near our daughter, that’s for sure.”
Imogen’s heart turned over but she shook her head softly. “No wonder you were so adamant I would come live with you. The thought of losing another child must have been horrifying. Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
His face blanched. He picked at an imaginary piece of lint on the blanket, his manner distracted. “It was all so sad, Imogen.” His sigh carried the weight of the world. “The whole situation was absolutely awful. I still can’t get my head around what she did.” He shook his head. “I was utterly, completely heartbroken. And you made me so happy.” His expression was a mask of heavy remorse. “I just wanted to be happy. With you. To keep the past in the past.”
He lifted his hand to her cheek, unable to resist touching her. “I met you just two weeks after she did it.” A muscle jerked in his cheek and he focused on a point over Imogen’s shoulder. “I’m not usually like that. I mean, after our divorce, I let my hair down a bit but then, when I learned what she’d done… I was…”
“I understand,” she said softly, her hand reaching for his before she could curb the impulse. “It would unhinge anyone, that grief and shock.”