I shake my head. ‘You needn’t have worried. I haven’t slept with him.’
His skin pales beneath his tan.
‘I haven’t kissed him,’ I add.
His eyes lance mine. ‘The photo...’
‘Just a glimpse of time. I don’t even remember what we were discussing. Nothing important.’
He nods slowly, but if I’d expected relief on his features there is none.
‘You still intend to marry him?’
My heart rips apart. God, how I wish things were different. I look around the room, trying to draw strength from my surroundings, but all I feel is weakened by them––weakened, vulnerable and resentful. ‘Yes.’
He looks away from me, and for a second I feel as though he’s fighting some kind of battle, but when he speaks it’s with his trademark confidence. ‘When?’
‘Three months after my coronation.’
He pins me with his eyes. ‘Be mine, until then.’
A shiver runs down my spine. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means I want you. Until you’re married, I want you to be mine.’
Nothing makes sense. I stare at him, trying to think this through, part of me elated and part of me devastated. I can’t explain why I feel either emotion, just that both are overtaking me.
‘It just doesn’t... I don’t see how...’ I shake my head with frustration, trying to clarify my thoughts. ‘Spain only worked because it was a secret. Here, in Marlsdoven, I’m surrounded. I can’t pick up where we left off. If someone found out and it got into the press...particularly once my engagement’s announced...’
His body is stiff. ‘No one will find out.’
‘How can you be so sure.’
He pulls a key out of his pocket, handing it to me. ‘I have an apartment in the city. You can go there any time. There’s an undercover parking garage. No one will ever see you.’
‘And then what?’ I ask, numb.
‘What do you mean?’
‘One day I get married and we simply stop seeing each other?’
Determination fires his voice. ‘I won’t sleep with another man’s wife.’
My eyes sweep shut at his ability to speak with such clinical detachment. It’s a skill I seem to lack where this man’s concerned.
‘What you’re offering is very tempting.’
He stares, waiting for me to continue. I turn away, findin
g it impossible to think with him watching me so intently.
‘But I can’t do it.’
It’s as though I’ve been struck by lightning. I understand why his offer is hurting me so much, why it’s leaving me with the sense I have a hole in my heart.
‘Because someone might see us together?’ he responds with a dark emotion I can’t interpret.
‘No. Yes. Partly.’ I furrow my brow. ‘That would obviously be...less than ideal, and there’s a risk of it happening, despite the fact your apartment has a secure garage.’