She pulled the door inwards, preparing to sign the postal form and take the box of stationery, except it wasn’t Russell, the familiar Royal Mail delivery guy.
‘Santos?’ Everything inside her began to quiver. The cells of her body went into overdrive. With an enormous effort, she assumed a mask of cool civility, but it was almost impossible when she felt as if she were being electrocuted.
‘Amelia.’ His brow crinkled and his eyes swept over her, the corner of his lips pulling into a small smile. ‘What the hell have you been doing?’
Oh, God. She must look...terrible. But so what? She refused to care about that. Tilting her chin, she held his eyes. ‘I’m cooking.’
‘Really?’
It was a joke. She ignored it. Her body was buzzing and humming and her chest was compressing. ‘What are you doing here?’
He sobered, nodding, shoving his hands in his pocket. ‘I came to see you.’
She bit down on her lip. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No. Yes.’ He stared at her, then expelled a breath. ‘Can I come in?’
She looked over her shoulder, then turned back to him. ‘I...okay. Just for a minute.’
‘Thank you.’ She stepped back, giving him plenty of space to move by without touching her, but it still wasn’t enough. His hand brushed hers and she almost jumped out of her skin. She covered her response by pushing the door shut with a resounding click. From there, she kept her distance, maintaining at least a metre of space between them when they reached the living room.
He looked around, his eyes taking in all the details, so she tried to see it as he must—the homeliness of it, the simplicity and cosiness. It was completely different from his perfectly designed living spaces.
She squared her shoulders, assuming a position of defiance and defensiveness rather than showing how affected she was by his presence.
‘Christos.’ He shook his head, then dragged a hand through his hair. ‘I have no idea what to say to you.’
How could he not hear her heart? It was slamming into her ribs over and over, so loud, so painfully persistent.
‘Then why are you here?’
‘Let me start with this.’ He nodded decisively, moving towards the window and looking out at the empty field that ran beyond her house, all the way to the stream. ‘When you came to Athens, I was going to a fundraising event. I’m on the board and obliged to attend. It wasn’t a date.’
And, despite the fact he wasn’t looking at her, she turned away from him, staring at a photograph on the wall.
‘I didn’t sleep with her. Or anyone else. I haven’t moved on from you, Amelia.’
She kept staring at the photo, his words wrapping around her, making her heart hurt, her breath burn, her body sag.
‘I wanted to, though. That night, I thought that if I could just do something I normally would that maybe I would start to feel normal again. Maybe if I went out with someone like Pia, laughed with her, flirted with her, you wouldn’t take up such a huge part of my mind any more. I needed to perform an exorcism, and I thought that would work.’
Amelia spun round to face him, hurt showing on her features, her eyes huge in her face. ‘I don’t know if that’s more offensive to her or to me. You thought that you could sleep with her and forget about me? You’d actually use another woman like that?’
He blanched. ‘I thought I’d feel something for her. Desire. Need. Anything. But I haven’t felt a damned thing since you left. Why is that?’ he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘How come you’re all I can think about? How come you’re the only person I want, the only person I need?’
She clamped her mouth shut, her head issuing a stern warning to her heart. None of this meant anything. He was annoyed by her hold on him, but hadn’t that been the case all along? He’d been transfixed by her and waiting for that to wear off. He hadn’t wanted to feel that way; he didn’t welcome any of this.
He was moving closer to her and, while she braced for his nearness, there was a tiny part of her that wanted to welcome him. That wanted to run towards him and beg him to stay a just bit longer. She hated that part of herself. Speaking of exorcisms...
‘How come waking up without you makes me feel like I’m missing a part of myself? How come you’re the last person I want to see before I fall asleep at night?’ He moved closer, his body almost touching hers now. She made a small noise, a choking sound. Of fear? Or of want?
‘How come everything feels dull and pointless without you? How come I look for you all the time? How come I miss you so much I can barely breathe?’ Another step and his body pressed to hers, his hand lifting to cup her cheek.
‘How come I have told myself all my life that I would never be like my father, that I would never let a woman fall in love with me, and I sure as hell wouldn’t ever love a woman, and yet I love you?’
She drew in a deep gulp of air, shaking her head and stepping backwards. ‘Don’t.’ It took all her willpower and strength to separate from him. ‘Don’t come here now and say this. Don’t you dare.’
‘I fell in love with you, Amelia. It is the opposite of what I thought I wanted but here I am, a broken man, an incomplete man, without you in my life. Your love has become the sum total of what I want. What choice do I have but to come here and say this to you?’