If she were someone different, she might have allowed herself to cry in front of him. The impossible request he was making of her was turning her heart to stone.
But having made her decision, Lilah stayed her course. She dropped her hands and shook her head. “I can only say that I love you more than I knew possible. That I want you to live your life knowing my feelings are true and that I will n
ever forget you. But that you can have no place in my life, apart from deep in my heart.”
“This is absolutely absurd,” he responded with palpable frustration.
She nodded and stepped backwards. “I can’t see you again, Will. It’s not safe, and it’s not wise.”
Will groaned and moved to follow her, pulling her into his arms. He kissed her roughly and tasted the saltiness of a single tear that she hadn’t been able to control. “You’re actually trying to say goodbye?” He pushed the words into her mouth but she was powerless to respond.
His kiss was stirring her soul. She surrendered to it, letting the power he wielded over her render every objection and sense mute. Her hands lifted to his chest, feeling his heart pound.
It was all such a mess.
She pulled away on a sob and spun from him. She was tormented. The chasm between what she wanted to do and what she knew she had to do was widening. “I have to go.”
Will watched as she crossed the room, waiting for something to occur to him to say. An argument he hadn’t yet used. But in the end, he said nothing. He watched her leave, and he felt nausea rise in his gut.
He had known love.
He had known loss.
And now he had known, loved and lost Lilah.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Only the deepest drama could have distracted her from the desolation that had literally torn her apart. Only an immediate and great need for her to shelve her own pain could have succeeded in setting aside the sadness that engulfed her nights.
And drama did indeed come.
It split the ordered nature of their lives almost completely in two.
The wedding that had been planned for years, that had been sought and feted by people on both sides of the border, had been cancelled. In its place, a union was to take place that was both astounding and exciting. At least to Lilah.
The American woman Kiral had, at one time, loved, had arrived. And with her so too came the news of the son they shared. Lilah’s heart raced as she thought of the boy. Michael. Their prince. A son for Kiral, an heir for the kingdom, and a nephew for Lilah.
Only days earlier she’d stood in one of the state rooms of the palace and wondered at her brother’s calm determination to marry Melania. And now? He was fire and flame, angry, resentful, but at least he was pulsing with emotion and life once more. And it was all because of the American woman she’d only ever heard rumours of.
Abigail McClean.
She thought of his brother’s bride and smiled. Abi was nothing like Melania, and yet she was perfect for Kiral. At their first meeting Lilah had seen that. Abi was sweetness and heart, just as their own mother had been. She was the perfect complement to a man like Kiral.
Only Kiral was determined to keep himself closed off from her.
Lilah chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip then refrained from the gesture when she saw that several guests were smiling in her direction. She returned the smile politely and then shifted away a little under the guise of inspecting one of the flower arrangements that had been placed in the corridor.
She could understand Kiral’s resentment. That Abi had kept their son from him for two long years was almost inforgivable. But Lilah forgave Abi. Lilah could see that every decision Abi had made was out of love and fear.
Just like Lilah’s decisions were being made.
She ran her fingers over a single bloom, and felt stupid, frustrating tears prick at her throat.
“Good evening.” The husky American accent sent goosebumps dancing down her spine. She hadn’t seen him in days. The knowledge hurt. She had missed him. She had missed him despite how absorbed she’d been by Abi’s arrival. She had craved him; she had longed for him, and now she could only stare at him with consternation.
“Will.” She swallowed, her eyes darting nervously behind her. “I told you we can’t speak.”
“Yes,” he nodded, something like anger sparking in those beautiful eyes of his. “You did. But you see, it occurred to me that when other people are around you’ll be compelled to observe the basics of civility. That you won’t be able to run away from me so easily.”