Of course he had to return her to the hotel now. He slammed his palm against the steering wheel then stepped out of the car. He was tempted to slam the door too; only the thought of disturbing Lilah in such a harsh manner stilled the juvenile gesture.
He sat beside her, studying her for a precious final moment then leaned forward. “Wake up, sleepy head.”
She did, slowly, and with a serene smile on her face. “Hello.” She lifted her hands to his face and wiped at his cheeks. “You are freezing cold.”
“I’ve just been outside.” He shook his head. There was no sense in beating about the bush. “We… we have to talk.”
“What is it?” She was instantly awake and alert.
“Things in the city have been resolved. It’s safe for you to go back.”
The words were like bullets, hammering against her shocked mind. Already?!?!?! She wanted to screech, in her least-regal tone of voice. How could she go back? How could she leave this perfect cabin?
“Is it?” The question was hollow.
His words gave little away. “A new security detail has been employed. Alain oversaw it personally.”
“That is not what I meant.” She swallowed, and studied his face as though she could find some magical solution there. “You know that going back will effectively end what we have shared here?”
A muscle ticked in his jaw and the idea that had been boldly asserting itself for days found expression finally in a question. “Is it so impossible to think we might still get to spend time together?”
Her eyes were mournful. “Yes, absolutely. It would be forbidden by Kiral and every guard in my detail would do whatever necessary to keep you from me. Once we go back, it will be over.”
“And is that what you want?” He demanded fiercely, waiting for her to find that brave streak he’d seen her display time and time again. “Do you want to say goodbye to me in the hotel and never see me again?”
She shook her head. “You know I don’t want that. But I cannot disappoint Kiral. And I will not have him think less of you because of me.”
“I don’t care what he thinks of me,” he responded impatiently. “I care about you and me.”
“We both knew this would be an impossible reality to maintain. It was a dream we should never have dared to indulge.”
How could she speak so calmly? The future gulfed before him, when he imagined it without Lilah. “I hate this,” he said simply. “I am no stranger to losing people I love, but losing you …”
Her dark eyes were enormous in her face. “What did you just say?”
He played back the words in his mind and shrugged. “I said I love you.” He leaned forward and kissed her. “It’s crazy, I know, but I’ve been falling in love with you ever since we got here. No. Ever since you sent me a look of complete terror and jumped off the building regardless.”
Lilah stared at him in complete shock. She knew she loved him, but it was such a nightmare. Neither of them was free to love the other! If she admitted her feelings to him, he would surely try his hardest to convince her to be with him. And though she wanted that with all her heart, the very idea of what Kiral would say and do filled her with dread. She adored her brother, but he would never understand the love she felt for this American man. Kiral believed in honour and duty and above all he believed that their royal blood required them to suspend their own personal desires in favour of what best served the kingdom.
“These words … you must not use these words.” The weakly-uttered sentence was snatched from a heart that was most unwilling to offer them. “I will always be glad that we shared this experience.”
“But?” He prompted darkly. “You’re going to walk away from me.”
“I have to,” she swallowed. “I am a princess of Delani, and my country and kin expect a certain behavior of me. What we have done would throw our family into disgrace. My brother would be ashamed of me.”
“I don’t give a flying … monkey … about what Kiral would say. What do you want? What do you feel?”
She pushed back the quilt and stepped out of the bed. “I want, and feel, nothing besides what is appropriate for a woman in my position.” She could sense the threads wrapping tightly around her, stuffing her with the dignity and common-sense that were integral to her persona as Her Royal Highness Jalilah Mazroui.
I see my function in life wrapped up in serving my people. Her words, from the first night they’d met echoed through his brain like warnings he should have heeded sooner. She was, first and foremost, not a princess but a servant to her country and her people. He had grown up in a family that served its country; he had gone into war zones and stood shoulder to shoulder with men and women who had made those same choices. Why did he reject so vehemently that same current of servitude in Lilah Mazroui?
“When would you like to leave,” she murmured, to break the silence that was stretching taut between them.
He smothered his scowl, but she’d seen it. “As soon as you’re ready.”
“Five minutes.” She smiled at him tentatively, hoping to see him smile back, but in response he spun on his heel and stalked towards the fireplace. It didn’t need
to be like this, did it? Couldn’t they part on pleasant terms, always remembering fondly the magic they’d created here, in the middle of nowhere?