“Isn’t it sort of a pre-requisite of having a baby?” He said, humour in his voice.
She blinked, but she was in the past. Her smile was tight. “Sometimes.” She sipped her wine, and felt the edges of her brain start to buzz. It was beautiful; not one from her vineyard; it was unfamiliar to her. “What is this?”
“It’s a Tempranillo. You mentioned your vine keeper is interested in experimenting with it.”
“I did?” She frowned. “When?”
“When I checked in. I had a case sent over from Spain. I crafted this three years ago. Do you like it?”
“Yes,” she said honestly. “It’s light, but serious.”
He narrowed his eyes. How had he forgotten that they shared the same taste in wines? Her palette was excellent; he’d noticed it the first time they’d tasted together. He eased himself onto the ground opposite her, a vision of virility and strength in the midst of her festive mess.
“What was she like, as a baby?”
Ava’s smile was genuine. “Delightful.”
He stared down at the picture. “I wish … I wish I’d …”
“I know,” she interrupted, guilt searing her stomach. She reached into the cupboard, and pulled out yet another box. “Here. These are some pictures of her first year. I never got around to filing the second year. We got busy with the accommodation and the new vines. But maybe this would … fill in some gaps for you,” she finished awkwardly, pushing the box across the floor.
Cristiano opened it as though it was the most sacred artefact in the world. His face crumpled with emotion as he lifted the first photo out. “God, she looks just the same,” he marvelled, staring at the photo before handing it to Ava.
“This was right after she’d been born, I think.” She lifted it closer and nodded. She could just make out the operating theatre in the background.
“She’s perfect.”
“She was,” Ava nodded. “Even the nurses in the intensive care ward loved her.”
“Intensive care?” He looked at her sharply and Ava felt her heart turn over.
“She was in hospital for a month, remember,” Ava glossed over the fact that she too had been in intensive care after her operation.
“I see.” He lifted the next photo from the box. “You look exhausted.”
She wriggled across the floor, so that she could sit beside him and see the photo he was looking at. It was her first photograph with Milly. Olivia had insisted on taking it, even though Sophie had suggested that Ava might not want to remember that moment in detail.
They had both been right – Ava felt a wave of nausea whenever she saw this particular image. Then again, she thought of it often. She looked away, her throat thick.
“There are much better photos in there.”
He frowned, without putting the photograph down. “You’re hooked up to so many machines.” He lifted his gaze to her face. He wanted to ask why. He wanted to know if the delivery had been traumatic for her. But it was too weak. It showed just the kind of affection he swore he wouldn’t feel for her.
“Precautions,” she said with a blasé wave of her hand through the air.
For a long time to come, Cristiano would regret the stubborn pride that had prevented him from pushing her further on the subject. He knew that she was being deliberately evasive, but he refused to show that he cared. She was supposed to mean nothing to him. Only Milly was relevant.
He stood abruptly. “Do you mind if I take this with me? I’ll bring it back.”
“Oh.” She squashed her disappointment with effort. “Sure. Of course.” The fact she had wanted to share the memories with him didn’t matter. He had every right to look into the past and to do so privately. “Let me know if you’d like anything else.”
His nod was business like. He moved towards the door but Ava felt his imminent departure keenly. “Do you have to go?” She frowned. “I only mean, you’re welcome to stay here. If you want company.”
He arched a brow, his expression one of hauteur and disdain. Ava immediately felt the force of his rejection. She closed her eyes and expelled a breath. “I’m trying, Cristiano. I’m not like you. I can’t just shut off … I have feelings. This is strange for me.”
“You think it’s not strange for me?”
She shrugged. “You seem completely fine with treating me like a stranger you barely know.”