The biggest conundrum that Milly had wrought in Ava’s life was being played out now. For how could she keep the existence of their child hidden from Cristiano when he was right there?
She gnawed on her lower lip, her eyes focussed on Milly’s thick black lashes and curling dark hair. A sliver of moonlight cut across the room, drawing lines on Milly’s chest and Ava’s hand. Ava’s smile was distracted as she stood and moved from the room.
Downstairs, in the reassuring solitude of the large country kitchen, she flicked the kettle and propped a hip against the bench, waiting for it to boil.
She had been so certain that she’d done the right thing in keeping Milly from Cris. He didn’t want to be tied down to anyone or anything. His wanderlust was inherent to his personality. He needed to travel, and Ava understood it. Oh, not personally. But Olivia was, and always had been, just the same! Her itchy feet were a running joke between the sisters. She picked up and moved as often as most people paid phone bills.
Cristiano could never have been the kind of father that he would have wanted to be. And yet he would have stayed out of a sense of honour and duty.
Nothing would have been worse to Ava than the idea of Cristiano being with her against his will.
She pulled a teabag from the canister and dropped it into a mug, then doused it in boiling water.
The colour changed instantly, in the same way life had a tendency to do. One tiny change could bleed alterations into every aspect of a person’s existence.
One minute, Meredith Henderson had been steering their ship – powerful, indomitable, strong Meredith Henderson. Their mother and friend, a woman who had seen her own life turned upside down by the unexpected arrival of triplets and the discovery of her lover’s faithlessness. She had conquered that grief and she had been a woman to admire and aspire to.
But Meredith had been taken from them, far too soon. At nineteen, the girls had faced the prospect of growing up fully, and without Meredith’s sage wisdom.
Ava was the natural heir to Meredith. She had always been sensible and mature, more so than the others, and Sophie and Olivia made a habit of deferring to her opinions. With Meredith gone, someone had needed to be strong. Ava had taken the mantle and steered them through their grief, only indulging her own soul-deep sadness in the middle of the night, when no one was around.
If Meredith hadn’t died, would she have become engaged to Angus?
Of course not. Ava made a grunt of frustration as she settled herself at the time-worn table. Angus, a dear friend from infancy, had only ever engendered platonic feelings in Ava. Only he had been all that was dependable and kind after the tragic loss of their mother. And when he’d proposed, Ava was so grateful she’d found herself accepting.
What a foolish moment of weakness! What an error in judgement!
She sipped her tea then slammed it back onto the table with more force than she’d intended. But her disappointment in herself knew no bounds.
She had cheated on Angus, and yet her heart had never been unfaithful. Her heart had belonged to Cris from the first moment they’d met. In the end, she’d loved him too well. She’d let him leave, rather than keep him by her side against his will, because she had loved him too much to contain him.
Guilt flooded her system. Was that just a convenient lie she told herself? After all, she’d gone to Rio with the intention of revealing the truth. If he’d seen her, she would have broken the news to him, and she would have welcomed him with open arms. Even though she would have always known that he had done the dutiful thing by her, rather than following his own life ambitions.
In refusing to see her, he’d saved them both a lot of pain.
Over time, Ava had come to accept that it was for the best.
He hadn’t loved her enough to stay. He hadn’t loved her enough to wonder why she’d flown halfway around the world to see him. And he certainly hadn’t loved her enough to be a part of her life.
But now?
Was her decision still the best one for him? And for her? How could she say? And what about Milly? Would Milly be better off having Cristiano in her life, even if he was unwillingly there? Or was it better to be raised by one parent who was filled with adoration and love, rather than two parents who had such emotional baggage?
And what about Ava?
Having seen Cristiano again, was she really strong enough to let him go for a second time?
CHAPTER FOUR
“So you know the guy in the end cabin?” Marie could not have known, of course, how her simple question caused Ava’s heart to flutter.
She turned the page of Milly’s book with a determined effort to remain calm. “Sort of,” she said unevenly. “He was here a few years ago.”
“Yeah, I think I heard that. He did a vintage for the Berry family?”
Ava pointed to the bird and watched as Milly began to tweet. “Yeah.” Her word was a gravelly husk.
“He’s pretty gorgeous,” Marie continued good-naturedly, lifting clean sheets into a basket.