Cris leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. “You told your husband you loved me.”
She studied him with a sinking feeling in her gut. The mess was so much worse than he appreciated. Milly. Dear, sweet Milly, with eyes just like her father’s. “Yes.”
“When?”
“After you left.”
“But you did marry him.”
She swallowed. Angus had been noble and kind. And she had loved him. In a way that she had hoped would be enough. “Yes.”
“What kind of man allows himself such a betrayal? How could he welcome you as his wife? To his bed? After we …” He rubbed a hand across his eyes, as if to clear the disturbing imagery. “I knew about your marriage. Tom told me,” he said, referring to the friend he’d travelled halfway across the world to be groomsman to.
He hadn’t come to see Ava. He’d come for Thomas. “You didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me yourself.”
The accusation stung. It was unjust and completely unfair. “I came to Brazil. I came to see you,” she said with a sob she couldn’t suppress.
The sound brought his eyes flashing open. “Yes, I know.”
“You were the one who turned me away. You wouldn’t even meet with me.”
“How could I, Ava? You were married. You chose Angus over me. You broke my heart, and then you were what? Coming to glory in your life? Or worse, coming to seduce me?”
“To seduce you?” She spluttered, her pulse firing. “You must be kidding. You seduced me. I had no idea what we were feeling. I was completely bowled over by you and what you offered.”
“Believe me, it was mutual,” he grunted. “You were married, and you dared come to me in Rio? What did you want? To see if it was too late? Or to see if I’d give you one last roll in the hay?”
“Don’t be disgusting,” she snapped, lifting a hand to her neck. She stroked the fine skin on the side of her throat as though it might help her to breathe more easily.
“Well? What did you want?”
To tell you we made a baby, she wanted to throw in his face! How easy it would have been to give in to the churlish desire to wound him. But even then, ripped apart by hurt and doubt, she could never use Milly as a weapon. For Milly was all that was good and right in the world. She deserved better than that.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said with truth. “It was a lifetime ago.”
“Were you still married to him then?” His face was stricken. “Ava, I need to know. Were you still married to him?” What if he’d been wrong? What if she’d come to him a free woman? What if she’d come to him because she’d erred? What if she’d come to him because she wanted nothing more than to resume their relationship?
The idea had never occurred to him! He’d known enough of her stubborn streak to believe her capable of resolutely remaining married regardless of how she felt.
“Ava,” he groaned, crossing the space between them and cupping her cheeks with his hands. “Did you come to me because you wanted me after all?”
Tears sparkled on her lashes. She blinked furiously but still one fell. “No … I was married.”
And it broke the last thread of hope he had cherished in his gut. He stepped away from her, and stalked out of the bathroom. He didn’t want her to see his face. She would easily detect the emotions there, and he didn’t want her understanding him so well.
“So?” He said, pleased that his voice sounded firm rather than bitter. “What did you want, then?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she insisted. “You wouldn’t see me.” Her voice cracked. “You didn’t want to see me, and I had to respect that.”
“How could I have? Jesus, Ava, you make it sound so simple. But you were married!”
Her smile was without humour. If he’d seen her, he would have seen more than just Ava. Six months pregnant, her stomach had been pleasantly rounded and full. The life of Milly had been kicking and swimming constantly.
“I knew then that we were over. Once and for all. I accepted that,” she promised thickly. “But I could hardly stay married to Angus. He deserved better than marriage to a woman like me.”
Her assessment hurt. Though he’d thrown horrible words at her only moments earlier – had he really called her a bitch? Shame coloured his face – he hated hearing her describe herself in such a way. “I doubt he felt the same.”
“No.” Her lips twisted sadly. “He was very understanding. He didn’t want the divorce. He begged me to reconsider. But I hurt him again.” She closed her eyes on that horrible memory. “It’s all I seem capable of doing.”