His eyes widened, and she stood up. But she was sore. Muscles that had never been tested were aching, and she winced, but wouldn’t let him know that she wasn’t strong. She would never let him see her hurt.
“I didn’t set out to deceive you, Zamir. I wanted that. I wanted you. But we were too far in. I thought … I was worried you would stop.”
“I would have stopped,” he growled. “I should have stopped. I do not understand why you would give me your virginity when you know I want only this.” He gestured to the bed. “You and I spoke often of meaningless sex. Your virginity is not meaningless.”
“I …” She shook her head, searching for the words that wouldn’t come.
“Stop saying that!” He ground out. “If you are going to speak, at least finish the sentence.”
Olivia felt her limbs begin to shake. Shock was setting in. What they’d done, and his reaction, were leaving her with the strangest sense of unreality. “I wanted you.”
He knit his brows together, and a muscle in his jaw twitched with emotion. “And did you think I would want you if I knew?”
She closed her eyes. Her worst fears were being confirmed. “I wasn’t sure,” she said, deciding honesty was going to serve her best. “I didn’t want to risk that you wouldn’t.”
“And so you denied me the opportunity to decide?”
“You make it sound like I set out to deceive you. I only had a split second to decide.” She closed the distance between them and put her hands on his chest. “Why are you being like this?”
His glared down at her, unable to disentangle the array of emotions in his gut. “I have learned to watch for predatory women. Women who might wish to marry a man such as me. To trap me into marriage by falling pregnant. I exercise care and control, and have, until now, never put myself into a position where that might be possible.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Hang on just a second. You didn’t ask me if I was on the pill. You didn’t use protection.” Her mouth felt awkward. She was embarrassed. “How exactly did you avoid that possible complication?”
Her assessment was accurate. He had been careless. But it was easier to blame her than himself. “I simply assumed you had the requisite experience to have such matters under control.”
Her temper, barely under control, flared. “Because I look like I do?” She demanded fiercely.
“You are very well aware that I believed you to have been involved with several men.”
“Yes.” She ground her teeth together. “That seems to be the consensus.” Even her sisters believed her free-spirited approach to life translated into the bedroom.
He felt her silent outrage and he understood it. But sympathy was impossible. “Olivia, you must see my viewpoint. I cannot hand-hold you through your sexuality. I presumed I was going to sleep with someone who saw it as I do – a physical transaction that ends with satisfaction.”
Olivia’s spine tingled. “What happened to, ‘you feel what’s happening between us’?”
He let out a strangled sound. “I meant sex! I meant the agonising foreplay that has been this last week. Every look, every touch, was a prelude to this. Of course, you perhaps did not realise it, because you had no point of reference.”
“I realised,” she corrected softly. She noticed, for the first time, that she was still naked. Did she care? She couldn’t have said. “I felt it.” She turned around and scanned the room for her clothes. They were spread in different directions. With as much dignity as she could manage, she picked them all up. “I just didn’t know you’d turn into such a monumental jackass afterwards.” She snapped her underwear on, and then her shirt. She didn’t bother with the bra. Suddenly, she was as anxious as she’d ever been in her whole life to get away from him. Her shirt was dark black, and she knew the outline of her breasts was visible beneath it but she would risk the embarrassment.
She just needed to go.
Her pants were creased from where they’d been scrunched against the floor. She pulled them on, uncaring.
“Olivia, wait,” he commanded, when she moved towards the door.
“Olivia, you must go now. Olivia, wait,” she mimicked, her expression pinched. “Make up your damned mind.”
He stared at her as though she was babbling in Swahili. He had never been spoken to with such disrespect.
“Forget about it,” she muttered. “I’ll make it up for you.” She stormed through the apartment, sweeping her handbag up as she passed. At first, she thought the lift might not appear. But it did. Almost immediately. She stepped into it gratefully, but didn’t exhale until the doors clicked shut.
The corridor on the floor below was mercilessly deserted. She walked through it quickly, and slipped into her room.
Only then, with her back to the door, did she let the tears that had been stinging her eyes fall.
The time on the clock showed it to be somewhere just before four o’clock in the morning. Olivia moved gingerly through the small hotel room, towards the bathroom. She showered, sponging her whole body as if that could remove the pain of what they’d shared.
It didn’t.