As soon as he took up his seat, the car felt smaller somehow.
“Ready?”
“You don’t need to do this, Alex,” she offered, in a final attempt to convince him she would be fine on her own.
His only response was to snap the car into gear and slip it out into traffic.
He’d booked the penthouse suite at an upmarket Knightsbridge hotel. It had views of Harrods in one direction and Hyde Park in the other. Once Sophie was settled onto the luxurious sofa, she thought she’d relax.
Only Alex was worse than a tightly coiled spring.
“Are you hungry yet?”
“No, thanks.”
“How about tea? Would you like more tea?”
Sophie glared at him. “No.”
“A movie then. What would you like to watch?”
“Nothing.”
He came to sit at her feet. “A book perhaps? A magazine?”
Sophie couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing. “Please, just stop! I just need to sit quietly for a while.”
Alex nodded. “Okay. We can do that.”
Sophie lay her head back on the fluffy pillows and stared at the ceiling. To his credit, Alex managed to stay silent, though he was anxious and eager to do something – anything – that would ease her suffering. Only every time he opened his mouth, he looked at her face and saw the ghosting emotions there. And it silenced him.
“How did I not realise I was pregnant?” She said finally, a disjointed sounding plea into the cavernous lounge area.
Alex lifted her feet onto his lap. He spoke slowly, with softness. “I’ve been doing some reading. Some women don’t experience any symptoms.”
“I felt just the same as normal. I mean, I guess I’ve been distracted because of … everything … but I haven’t been sick, or tired, or sore anywhere.”
He rubbed the soles of her feet, and watched as her features relaxed visible. “It seems that happens sometimes.
“But maybe if I’d known I could have done something. I could have been more careful.”
Alex moved his hands to her legs and ran them over the jeans. “Agape mou, do not blame yourself.” He dipped his head forward. “If anyone is responsible, then it is me. I upset you. I put you through a traumatic argument. I should have made you safe and happy for the rest of your life, instead of causing you to feel this way.”
She cast him a doleful look. “I don’t think that’s possible of anyone, for anyone. In fact, it’s frankly absurd to think you could do such a thing. Other people’s happiness does not rest on your shoulders.” And because she was tired and fraught, she spoke more frankly than she might otherwise have. “Not mine. Not Helena’s.”
He closed his eyes and nodded. He understood what she was referring to. “I have spent almost my whole life doing it though; fighting her fights and helping her when she asked. I didn’t stop to question her request. And I should have. For both of your sakes.”
Sophie settled further back into the pillows. “That you love your sister so much is to your credit. It’s not your motivation I fault, so much as your method.”
“I fault both. My motivation was to help her, but I didn’t bother seeing what she really needed.”
“Not your job,” Sophie said simply. She was tired. The painkillers she’d had right before leaving the hospital must have been kicking in. Her eyes fluttered shut.
But Sophie was wrong. He crouched down beside her and stroked her forehead. He wasn’t even sure if she was awake still, but he whispered to her, “I have loved you, with all that I am, from the first.”
Her lips parted as though she was about to say something, but she didn’t. She simply sighed and rolled over, turning away from him.
She slept on and off for most of the day, and Alex fretfully watched over her. But by evening, her cheeks had some colour in them and she was able to move more freely.