And no Alex.
She pushed aside the well of pain.
It was only one year, and truly, it was just another day. What did it matter that she’d always loved the festive season? That it was a highlight of her year to decorate the tree and make mince pies and pudding?
None of that mattered.
A man jostled behind her and Sophie smiled up at him blandly then stared back at her empty glass. She might as well at least pour some wine, so that it was obvious she was waiting for someone.
She lifted the bottle at the exact moment Alex cleared into her view, and she would have dropped it to the floor had he not reached for it with lightning fast reflexes.
“Alex.” Her voice was barely there. She cleared her throat and tried again. “What are you doing here?” She stared at him hungrily. He looked so good. Good enough to eat. But he was the devil. A bastard in disguise; a man who had hurt her wilfully and knowingly. She squared her shoulders and stared at him coldly. “I’m waiting for someone.”
“Eric is not coming.”
Sophie closed her eyes on the wave of despair. Suddenly, the friend she’d been longing to see had evaporated, and in his place was the enemy. “He told you.”
“Yes.”
Sophie was furious. Betrayed and angry. She scraped her chair back and stood, then grabbed her handbag from the floor. “Go to hell.”
He stood up and blocked her from leaving. “I’m there, believe me.”
“I don’t believe you. I will never believe anything you say again.”
“We need to talk.”
“No.” She glared at him defiantly. “I don’t want to talk to you, or I would have called you. Don’t you get that?”
“Sophie, I know that you were telling the truth.”
She stared at him for a long time, and then finally, she laughed. It was a hollow cackle. “So? Is that supposed to make me forgive you? Because now you see that I would never in a million years hook up with a married guy?”
“I had you investigated. I got a … wrong, as it turns out … report about your work in Sydney.”
“Oh my God.” She sat down, simply because she felt shock assailing her body and taking her strength. Her legs were jelly. “You are some kind of sick bastard, aren’t you? You knew about Edwin all along?”
“Yes.” He crouched down before her. “I did. And I am. You must understand that I have spent my life being defensive and protective. These habits are not easily given away.”
She clenched her teeth. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Please, Sophie …”
“No.” She glared at him. “Do you understand what you did?”
His heart twisted painfully inside his muscled chest. “Yes.”
“No, you don’t.” She stood, and this time, anger propelled her forward. “You aren’t the only one who has a past. I lost my mum. And I had to quit a job I loved because the guy basically attacked me. And I’ve been worried sick about Helena, and trying to help Eric, and loving those boys, and then I met you, and I’d never known anything like it. I was so blown away by how much I loved you, and how right it felt. I didn’t doubt for even one second that you felt the same way.”
“But I did, Sophie, I just didn’t realise it.”
“No.” She laughed, and kept walking, back up the stairs and into the freezing cold night. “You wish that you had, because that would make you feel better. You hate that you were wrong about everything, because deep down, you think of yourself as morally superior to everyone on earth. But you aren’t. You used me, and you treated me like dirt. I didn’t deserve that.” Tears sparkled on her long lashes. “And you’re here now because you want me to make it better for you. I’m not going to.” His expression was scored with emotion. But she ignored his hurt. “It’s over.”
He swallowed. “Please, let me talk with you. Just have dinner with me, at least, and hear what I say. I have words in my mind that I cannot contain. I must talk to you.”
She sobbed, as the dam of emotion threatened to burst completely. “I don’t want to hear them. Nothing you say matters. Don’t you get it? I know that there are no words that will fix this.”
“Sophie,” he groaned, and reached for her hand, but she flinched away violently.