‘Sì, uccellina.’
His eyes scanned her face and her heart turned over because she truly believed that, in that moment, he would have acceded to whatever demand of him she wished to make. So long as it was within his financial means, at least.
She lifted a hand to her chest, her features showing heartbreak. ‘I want this to be real.’ She felt his chest tighten. Her voice was hoarse with unshed tears. ‘I want to wake up beside you without the phantom ticking of a time bomb as the end draws nearer. I want to wake up beside you every morning for the rest of our lives.’ She swallowed, shocked at how important it felt to say this, even as she saw disbelief etch itself across his face. ‘I want you to love me like I love you,’ she whispered, and even then she hoped. She hoped when there was no reason to because that was the transformative power love held.
She stared at him, her breath held, her eyes huge, and she waited.
And finally he said what she’d known he would. That didn’t stop it from hurting, though.
‘It’s not possible.’
‘Why not?’ she challenged, her eyes determined even as they filled with tears.
He stayed perfectly still, except for nostrils which flared as he exhaled through them, slowly, as if he was trying to calm his temper. ‘I am offering you something very clear. The same thing I’ve offered all along. Sex. Fun. Full stop.’
‘No.’ She denied this. ‘You really think that’s what we’ve been doing?’
At least he had the decency not to rush into agreement. ‘There are limits to this. Limits to the time we will spend together, limits to what I can offer you. There are boundaries and rules, and that’s good for both of us.’
‘Not for me,’ she returned insistently. ‘I don’t want boundaries with you. I want to tear them down and revel in all of you, all the time.’ She lifted up onto the tips of her toes, so her lips were only an inch or so from his. ‘Tell me you don’t feel the same way.’
He didn’t move, and her heart slammed into her ribs and desperate hope overtook her every nerve ending.
‘When my mother died, I swore I would earn my fortune. I swore I would devote my life to that, to making something of myself. It is the only thing I have ever wanted, Jemima. Relationships aren’t a part of who I am. I made this decision a long time ago, and nothing—no one—will change my mind.’ He lifted his hands to cup her face then, holding her right where she was, so his eyes could devour every detail of her features. ‘You are not like any woman I have ever known, and if I was ever going to put that rule aside it would be for you.’ He padded his thumb over her lip. ‘But it’s not what I want.’
‘I’m not what you want,’ she corrected.
‘I do,’ he corrected. ‘I want you, just not in that way.’ She sucked in a harsh breath that spoke of her pain, but he continued regardless. ‘I want what we have now. I want it for a little while longer, and then I want us to look one another in the eyes, to smile and to say goodbye and thank you, knowing we will never see each other again, but that these memories will always be with us. Can’t you see how right that is? How good?’
Her chest ached. ‘Leaving you will never feel right. Now, or in a month—never. I’m in love with you, Cesare. There’s no sense, no reason, no sensible, calm, rational end-point to this for me. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I want to, I don’t know, have a family with you.’ The words weren’t planned, but as soon as she said them they felt completely true in her soul. ‘I want to grow old with you at my side. I just want you.’
His expression was laced with shock. ‘This has never been on my radar.’
She swept her eyes shut. ‘I didn’t know it was on mine until a moment ago. But I do know it, Cesare. In every bone in my body, I know how I feel, and I know that I love you and that I can’t stay with you another moment if there’s no hope that you might love me back.’
‘There’s not.’ The words cracked around her. ‘Listen to me.’ His voice was gentler then, an attempt to soften the sticks of dynamite he’d thrown into the room. ‘You don’t love me. It’s completely understandable that you do, but that’s just your inexperience showing. You love sex.’ His lips twisted in something like amusement and her fingertips ached to slap him.
‘How dare you?’ She shook her head. ‘Don’t diminish what I feel. I know the difference between lust and love.’
‘Do you? How?’
Her temper spiked. ‘Lust is what I felt for you that night in London, when you kissed me in the restaurant, when you took my virginity. Lust is what I felt when you made my body yours, when you filled me with desire for the first time. Love is what I felt when you showed me what’s in here.’ She pushed at his chest. ‘When you talked about your mother and your childhood and your business and your life. Love is what I felt when you asked me about my life, when you saw beyond the fact I’m Jemima Woodcroft and wanted to know what made me tick. Love is what I felt, night after night, as you held me in your arms and kissed me with a gentleness that came from deep within your soul.’
His features were like ice. ‘Jemima...’ She waited for him to speak, but he said nothing. He simply stared at her for so long that her lungs hurt, because she was holding her breath and waiting, needing him to say something that would make all this better.
‘I think you love me, too,’ she whispered, and she felt as though she were stepping so far out on a limb that it was creaking audibly. ‘You keep saying I’m different from any woman you’ve ever known. You spent half a billion pounds to get me into bed and you want me to stay another month. How do you know that will be enough? How do you know we won’t be having this same conversation in a month’s time?’
‘Because I have decided what I want, and I’ll stick to it this time.’
She shook her head, sorrow for him rippling through her soul. ‘You can’t just switch your feelings off like that, Cesare. You want me in your life, and you know you do.’ She couldn’t let this go. She needed him to see that they were both in love. ‘You spent half a billion pounds because you couldn’t risk that I’d say no to you.’
His eyes swirled with darkness and he took a step back from her, his face angular, his look somehow distant. ‘I had already ordered my lawyers to buy into the hedge fund. Getting you in bed was just the cherry on top.’
His words made no sense. She shook her head, disputing them. ‘No, you hadn’t. You told me you wouldn’t, remember? Unless I came away with you.’
‘I lied.’ His eyes glowed when they met hers. ‘I lied to get what I wanted—you. I leveraged what I could, knowing that you would do anything for your cousin.’
She gaped, none of it making sense.