iability.’ He knew he had to be firm, harsh, to get her to see sense. Feeling as though he were dropping off the edge of a cliff, he spun away from her. ‘And you’re a distraction I don’t want, Johara. I need you to go now.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘YOU’RE A DISTRACTION I don’t want, Johara. I need you to go now.’
She stared at his back, his intractable words beating her in the chest. Her eyes swept shut; she struggled to breathe. Hearing these things at any time would have been difficult, but naked in his room, she felt vulnerable and exposed, disbelieving too, as though what he was saying went against everything they’d become.
‘The fate of my country hangs in the balance. Of course I can’t just run away from that.’ She looked around for her clothes, and finally saw them discarded near the foot of the bed. She stalked towards them, scooping them up and pulling her pants on quickly. Her fingers shook, making it difficult to clasp her bra into place. ‘And you don’t know me at all if you think I’m the kind of person who would quit at the first roadblock.’
‘Then do what you must in the bounds of Taquul but you will leave Ishkana, and leave now, before the kingdom awakes to this news.’
‘And they’ll think I’ve deserted them! They’ll think my opinion of the peace is fragile when it’s not! I believe in this peace as much as I believe in this—what you and I share.’
His eyes closed for a moment, as though he was physically rejecting that sentiment. ‘They will be far more concerned with whether or not the war is about to break out again.’
‘You’re making a mistake.’ She knew that to be the case. Every cell in her body was screaming at her in violent protest. Leaving was wrong. Not just Ishkana, but Amir. All week she’d braced herself for the necessity of that, and she’d known it would be hard, but, seeing him with the weight of the world on his shoulders, she finally understood what had been happening to them. Ever since that night in the maze.
She lifted a hand to her mouth, smothering a gasp and turning her back on him while she analysed her head, her heart, everything she was feeling.
It was a secret affair, one they’d agreed would have clear-cut boundaries, but Johara’s heart...it hadn’t realised. Not really. She’d fallen in love with him, with all of herself. The desert sky was still an inky black, the stars overhead sparkling, though now it was with a look of mischief. They’d known what they were doing in the maze, contriving for these two people to see one another and give into that cataclysmic desire. Qadirs and Haddads, unbeknownst, hidden, lovers.
At the very edge of the horizon, where sand met sky, whispers of purple were radiating like flames, promising the break of a new day. Soon it would spread, licking upwards, covering the heavens in colour, and then it would begin. How they acted on this day would determine so much.
She spun back to face Amir. His back was still turned. The sight of him like that, closed off to her, sparked a thousand emotions in her gut. Something inside her snapped, but underneath it all was the wonderment of her realisation.
‘What if I stayed?’ she said quietly, moving towards him, circumnavigating his frame so they were toe to toe, eyes clashing.
‘I won’t allow it, and nor will your brother.’
Anger exploded in her gut. ‘Neither of you can control me,’ she said fiercely.
‘This isn’t about control. It’s about your safety.’
‘You’re saying you can’t keep me safe until this is over?’ she challenged him, so close she could feel the exhalations as he worked to control his temper.
‘I’m saying your safety would become all I could think of,’ he contradicted, putting his hands on her shoulders. ‘And I need to focus on this—the country—with all of my attention. In Taquul, you will be safe.’
‘Maybe I don’t just want to be safe, trapped in Taquul, dull yet protected,’ she responded. ‘Maybe I’d rather be at risk here with you, than anywhere else in the world.’
The words were thrown like a gauntlet. They stared at each other, the meaning behind her statement impossible to miss.
She waited, needing him to speak, but he didn’t, and so she asked, quietly, her voice just a whisper, ‘Do you really want me to leave, Amir?’ She pressed her hand to his chest, feeling the thudding of his heart, wondering if it was beating for her.
‘I need it.’
She shook her head, pain beginning to spread through her. Why couldn’t he see what was right in front of him?
‘I’m not afraid.’ She tilted her chin defiantly. ‘You overreacted earlier this week, when the man threw a coffee cup at me, and you’re overreacting now. I’m not made of glass.’
‘Overreacting? Did you not hear me, Jo? I’ve just had the chief of my military agency telling me to detain you.’ A shiver ran down her spine at the ugliness of that—how quickly people could turn! ‘If it turns out that this attack had any degree of government assistance then those calls will become louder. Here in Ishkana, to almost all of my people, you are the enemy.’
Stricken and pale, she trembled. His eyes swept over her, spreading nothing. No warmth. She felt cold to the core of her being.
‘You will leave this morning, instead of tomorrow afternoon. Understood?’
‘No!’ She shook her head in a last-ditch effort to make him see things as she did—or had. She couldn’t deny the kernel of fear that was spreading through her. But she had to be brave—more was at stake now. If he knew how she felt and what she wanted, would it make a difference?
‘You’re the one who doesn’t understand. I don’t want to leave now. I don’t want to leave tomorrow. I want to stay here in Ishkana with you, for the rest of my life, however long that might be. Anything else is unacceptable to me.’ She pressed her hands to her hips, adopting a stance that was pure courage and strength when inside she was trembling like a leaf.