Zayn spoke slowly, trying to make her understand. “Even before we married, it was almost agreed between Amal and me. His loathing of the title is profound, and so was his unhappiness.”
Her eyes flared. “And so you decided to throw me under the bus instead of him?”
He had been educated abroad and understood her colloquialism perfectly. Besides, it was a perfect use of it. He had put Julia’s wishes last on his list, and simply hoped she would fall in with his plans. Or at least accept them, once she saw it was a fait accompli.
“You will adapt,” he urged confidently, pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss against the sensitive skin at the base of her neck.
“I won’t,” she contradicted. Feeling like a noose was tightening around her neck, making breathing almost impossible, she forced herself to say what she’d realized earlier that night, when Adina had announced their adoption. She lifted her hands and pressed them against his chest, fingers splayed against his muscled torso. “I might have, if you’d given me the choice, Zayn.”
“You still will,” he said firmly, but Julia shook her head.
“No, you don’t understand. It’s the last straw. You have a terrible habit of steamrolling me, and making my decisions for me. Of putting me in a position where I simply have to go along with your wishes. I want you to think about this long and hard, Zayn. When was the last time you remember actually asking me what I wanted, rather than telling me?”
He rubbed a hand over his stubbled chin, refusing to admit defeat. “I asked you to marry me.”
Her laugh was genuine, but also maniacal, because she realized that hoping Zayn could understand her point of view was like him expecting her to wake up speaking Arabic. It wasn’t something that could happen overnight.
“You didn’t ask me to marry you, Zayn. If you had done so, I may well have said yes. But you bullied me. You railed me into it. And you lay down all the terms of our union.” She lifted her chin. “I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”
His face froze with total shock, and she felt a stab of sorrow for him. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I love you, Zayn, with all my heart, but you’re bad for me, and if I stay here like this, I think you’ll continue to make unilateral decisions with my life.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips, and her heart throbbed painfully with the anguished realization it might be the last time she ever felt his lips on hers. With legs that were shaking beneath her, she moved towards the door of the room.
“You can’t leave.” His voice was thick with disbelief.
Julia turned slowly and looked at him with sadness. “Because of our deal?”
“To hell with the deal,” he swore. “Didn’t you hear me before? I love you. I’ve never said that before. I’ve never felt half of what I feel for you. Damn it, Julia, you said you love me. How can you throw that away?”
“I’m not throwing anything away. I’m just… I’m just saving myself.”
“Stop,” he said imperiously, falling into step behind her. “I’ll tell Amal that I can’t do it.”
“No,” her voice was little more than a whisper now. “Adina’s right. You were born to rule. You love Naman and you love the crown. You just don’t love me enough to fit in with all that.”
“You don’t have to be in the spotlight,” he negotiated reasonably, trying desperately to find a way to make it work.
“You are missing the point. You made this decision without speaking to me. You deliberately lied to me when we got engaged. You see only the goal and the path to achieving it. I’m not just another object to be won. If this marriage was ever going to work, it would have needed compromise, respect and trust. We have none of those things.”
“Julia…”
“NO!” She screamed, pushing at his chest, and finally giving in to the tears that had been welling in her throat. “Don’t you get it? You’re breaking my heart all over again. Please, if you really love me, you’ll just let me go.”
Zayn reached a hand up and brushed it gently through her hair, feeling a strange lurching sense of panic grip him as he nodded in agreement. “I do love you, Julia. If you ever change your mind…”
She sobbed quietly as his words hit home. He was going to do it. He was going to let her go. She should have felt pleased, but her insides were twisting painfully.
With one last, passionate kiss, filled with all their heartbreak and despair, their marriage was at end.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
What the hell had he been thinking?
Zayn stared out of the palace windows onto the Quince grove beneath, but all he saw was an imprint of Julia, as she had been that afternoon. So happy and sublime, so elegant yet vibrant, weaving her way through the trees, asking questions about his childhood. He let out a small groan of frustration. It had been four long, tedious, difficult weeks, and despite the frenetic schedule he made himself keep, he could think of little else but his wife. Her absence was like a physical pain inside of him, one that he was struggling to ignore.
He had never allowed something of such value slip through his fingers. Even before, when he’d been sure she’d cheated on him, he’d worked out a plan to get her back. His grim smile was humorless, as he reflected on the spectacular stupidity of that particular plan. He was a smart man, who should have known better. Nothing that you had to steal was truly worth possessing. Only her love, freely given, would answer this gaping hole in him. And she’d made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t
able to forgive him this time.