She bit down on her lower lip. “Yes.”
“Good. Then let me get rid of Max and Alessia as quickly as possible and we can pick up where you almost left off. Deal?”
She turned to face him, and it was obvious that her thoughts were running away with her.
“Lauren? What is it?”
She lifted a hand to his chest, pressing it there. He sensed she was about to say something, but then she shook her head and smiled, and it was a smile of genuine happiness. Only her eyes showed a lingering hint of trouble. “Nothing. I’ll see you later.”
He caught her chin and lifted it, kissing her slowly, but not slowly enough. He wanted to savour the moment, to enjoy everything about it, but it wasn’t the time.
“Later,” he promised, pulling away, and his eyes showed that the kiss had been only the beginning.
A thousand things exploded inside Lauren as she lay curled against Raf, their bodies fitting together perfectly, his rhythmic breathing so reassuring, so familiar, his strength comforting her even when she didn’t know why she needed it, his powerful arm wrapped around her body, keeping her locked to his frame.
She didn’t know what time it was, only that it was late and she’d been trying to sleep but her mind wouldn’t shut off. Briefly, things had felt normal. When they’d made love, she could forget, she could push everything out of her mind, but now, the doubts were back, the questions, the obvious point they were nearing.
She had to leave. But not right away, surely?
She could stay a few more days. Maybe a week?
And then what? What would that change?
She expelled a soft sigh, wishing she could make better sense of what she wanted. Or what she didn’t want. Nothing was easy. This thing with Raf was supposed to be fun – she’d come into it knowing it would end, and they’d agreed to end it ‘with no regrets’. So why did the idea of leaving him now fill her with a dull ache in the region of her heart? Why did she feel like she was preparing to say one of the hardest goodbyes all over again?
Why did she feel –
Her heart skidded to a stop.
Why did she feel like she’d been struck by lightning?
Because she had been.
She groaned softly and squeezed her eyes shut, reality seeping into a head and a heart that were oh so reluctant to accept it.
How could this be possible? She didn’t love Raf. She couldn’t love him. She loved Thom. He was her husband. He was the man she’d promised to love for the rest of her life. How could she have betrayed him by falling in love with Raf?
Another groan, because it didn’t matter how badly she wished it hadn’t happened, the answer was so blatantly obvious. She loved Raf. She loved everything about him – his body, his mind, the way he made her feel. She loved spending time with him, and being with him. She simply loved him.
And that was a disaster.
They’d made each other a promise right at the start – when this was over they’d go their separate ways. He’d told her again and again that he didn’t want a relationship. She’d been stupid and fallen in love with him but she knew he didn’t feel the same way about her. She’d had a thousand and one indications that was the case, not to mention his bald confirmation of the fact.
Everything about this was impossible. She refused to allow it. This was temporary. Nothing lasts forever. She had a life and a job, many things that would call her away from Italy.
She had to leave – and soon.
“Good morning.” Lauren stiffened at the sound of Raf approaching. She wasn’t ready for this. Yaya’s face broke into a smile of pure joy; she held a hand out.
“I didn’t expect to see you out here.” He dropped a kiss to Yaya’s head and took the empty seat at the table, helping himself to a glass and pouring orange juice into it. “Good morning, Lauren.”
His eyes showed amusement at how they’d spent the night, and the fact it was their secret; she couldn’t respond in kind.
“Raf, I need your help,” Yaya interrupted, reaching over and putting a hand on his.
“Of course, what is it?”
“Help me change Lauren’s mind.”