‘Thank you.’
I cross the tiled foyer and press a button. An elevator swooshes open almost immediately. Before I can doubt what the heck I’m doing, I swipe the card. A light blinks on for the penthouse.
This is it, then.
* * *
‘Maybe she’s changed her mind?’
My chest hurts. I haven’t felt normal all day, knowing what this means. Knowing I’m about to see Avery again is a huge part of that, but this isn’t about me. I’m not here because I want to see her more than anything else on God’s good earth. I’m here because I know what this must be costing her, and I know how she must be feeling, and I want her to have at least one familiar face in the room. Just in case she needs me.
No sex, even the best, is worth this. Don’t ever call me again.
I have heard those words a thousand times since she spoke them. They have filled my sleeping head to form nightmares I want to fight against; they have become a part of my living breath—because the temptation to pick up my phone and call her has almost overwhelmed me at times.
A need to hear her voice—but not as it was on that night, full of anger and recrimination—is a compulsion inside me.
But that’s not why I’m here. I told Avery how I felt and what I wanted and she made it abundantly clear she didn’t feel the same way. Looking back, every bit of time we spent together was characterised by her pushing me away, drawing boundaries, trying to keep what we were in one little box of her life. I was the one who pushed it forward, who tried to turn it into something else.
Maybe she was right. Women generally tend to throw themselves at me. Meeting someone like Avery was fascinating; perhaps it was the novelty factor that made me...but no. I dismiss the thought almost instantly. It was more than that. It was just Avery and me, the way we were together.
I loved everything about her.
‘She would have emailed,’ Jagger responds to Grace’s quiet remark. The air is thick with anxiety.
‘She’ll be here,’ I say firmly.
‘How do you know?’ It’s Theo now, watching me with those intelligent eyes. I keep my expression carefully blank of any emotion.
‘If she said she’s coming, then she’s coming.’ I can’t explain my certainty more than that. I can’t explain that I just know Avery.
‘But what if she—?’
The buzzing of the doorbell interrupts whatever Asha was going to say. I stand up, looking at the assembled Harts. Six adults, one baby sleeping in a room of this penthouse, and me, some love-sick fool who feels as though his heart is about to slam out of his chest at the prospect of seeing Avery again.
‘That must be her.’ Cora stands up too, her smile a little tight—she more than anyone understands this, having seen what Holden has been through because of Ryan’s irresponsible behaviour.
‘Yeah.’ I look towards the door for a second before galvanising myself into action. ‘I’ll get it.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I DON’T KNOW what I’m expecting. One of the brothers. Maybe a hotel maid. Not Barrett, even though I’d been wishing for him with all my heart a second ago.
He pulls the door open and smiles at me, a smile that is familiar and understanding and so filled with kindness despite the awful things I said to him that my knees almost fail to support me. Six weeks compress into nothing in the blink of an eye. I stare at him, feeling every moment we shared like they’re happening all over again, and feeling every single moment we’ve been apart like each one is a kind of eternity.
‘Barrett? What are you doing here?’
‘I thought you might need a friendly face.’ He looks over his shoulder, moves a little closer to me. ‘Is that okay?’
As though I might not want him here. I can’t blame him for feeling doubt on that score, after what I said. I hate that we argued like that. I hate what I said to him. I hate that I hurt him. I hate that he left. More than anything I hate that I want to apologise to him, but this isn’t the time because I can’t pull him outside and be alone with him when there’s a host of Harts waiting to see me.
‘Yeah.’ My voice is hoarse. ‘I’m...glad you’re here.’ It doesn’t come close to saying what I really feel. I am beyond glad. His presence is everything to me in that moment. ‘Thank you.’
He drops his head in a silent nod. ‘Of course.’ It’s businesslike, almost as though he’s simply discharging an obligation. ‘You ready?’
I’m more ready now, with Barrett here, than I was a moment ago. ‘I just want to get it over with.’
He opens the door a little wider and, d