‘Sure you are.’ He laughs.
‘What?’
‘It’s just you and Holden are giving off a similar aura these days.’
I grimace. ‘We’re really screwed then.’
‘Why don’t you just call her?’
My body tightens. I reject his suggestion. ‘Call who?’
He laughs, a gritty sound. ‘The woman you can’t stop thinking about?’
I don’t pretend to misunderstand. ‘It’s been two months. Whatever we were is completely done.’
‘So you’re seeing someone else?’
I recoil from that very idea. ‘Nah.’
‘So you’re celibate for the first time in your adult life and you’re trying to tell me it has nothing to do with Asha?’
I shift my view, looking out at Manhattan. ‘What’s her due date?’
‘Thirtieth of May. Why don’t you call her?’
‘Grace?’ I purposely misunderstand.
He reaches across and punches my arm. Not hard, but not playfully either. ‘Damn it, Theo, you’re being an ass.’
I grind my teeth together, not one hundred per cent convinced he’s wrong.
‘What happened between the two of you?’
‘We were just sleeping together,’ I say, hating that I’m talking to him about Asha but also realising how desperately I need to talk to someone about all this. Because two months after she walked away from me I can’t get her out of my goddamned head.
‘Sure you were.’ He nods. ‘Except Grace says Asha was completely in love with you.’
‘She talked about me to Grace?’ I jerk my head around to Jagger.
‘Not in so many words. Grace is good at all that touchy-feely stuff.’
I shake my head, letting my eyes dance across the skyline. ‘Asha wants the whole marriage and babies thing. She wants what you have.’ My smile is tight.
‘So?’
‘So? Look at who you’re talking to, man.’
Jagger’s eyes drag over me. ‘What’s your point?’
‘Come on.’ I drag my toe over the grout. ‘I’m glad you’ve got Grace and that you’re all happy and shit but you know, you know, better than anyone, how unlikely that is.’
He nods, slowly.
‘Dad really did a number on us.’
‘It’s not just Dad.’ I shake my head. ‘It’s you and Lorena. It’s Asha and how hurt she was by me. It’s everyone. It’s fucking Holden. All my life I’ve seen what “love” does to people. It’s not pretty. It’s not for me.’ I drag a hand through my hair. ‘Life is so complicated. I just don’t get why you’d make it even worse by getting involved with someone. By getting married.’
Jagger’s smile shows sympathy, and I hate that. ‘The thing is, when you meet the right person, it’s not that complicated at all. It’s the easiest decision you’ll ever make because you just can’t live without them.’