The word is like a whip, cracking through the room.
‘I came here to speak to you, and I’m not leaving until I’ve said my piece.’
I shake my head. ‘You honestly think you have any right to hold me hostage?’
He stands up, zipping his pants up, leaving his shirt unbuttoned so my eyes chase his tattoos hungrily, before I can stop them.
‘The day I got married was the happiest day of my life.’
Great. Just what I needed to hear. I cross my arms over my chest, my heart withering inside of me.
‘I stood up there and said my vows and I felt like this huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. I’m nothing like him. Nothing like my father. Because I’d met someone I intended to spend the rest of my life with and I had the wedding to prove it! I stood there and I felt like I was finally dodging my destiny or fate or whatever the hell you want to call it.’
I spin away from him, furious at him and even more so myself, because I’m listening, waiting for him to continue with ill-concealed impatience.
‘Curse, maybe,’ he continues with a tight smile in his voice.
‘I don’t care,’ I whisper, hollow.
‘But a wedding doesn’t prove I’m not like my father. A wedding doesn’t exemplify the kind of man I want to be.’
I stare out of the window at Sydney, my heart and soul splintering apart. ‘You know who I want to be?’
I don’t say anything.
‘I want to be a man who fights for what he wants. I want to be a man who reaches out and grabs what matters in this life with both hands, never mind the fact I’m scared shitless of losing you. I’m not my father. I’m not someone who’s going to spend his life getting married to women I don’t love. And I’m not going to spend my life running from love.
‘I loved my ex. I thought I did, anyway, until I met you and finally understood what love is. And it’s not something you do to prove a point. You don’t love someone—marry someone—to show the world you’re better than your parents. Love is private, personal, between two people. Love is me waking up every single damned night since I left, reaching for you, realising you’re not there, that you’re on the other side of the world, so far out of my time and reach. Love is feeling like I’ve been shot in the heart, the head, the chest, every single day I have to get through without a hope of seeing you.’
I am frozen to the spot and shaking all over.
‘Love is realising I have made the worst mistake of my life in letting you go. Knowing I hurt you in a way you might never forgive me for, and still coming to see you because I can’t not. Love is knowing I can’t go another minute without telling you how I feel, without telling you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’
I swallow convulsively; tears sting my eyes.
‘Love is this certainty I have in my gut, like a rock, right here, that tells me if I walk out of here without making you understand that you have become my reason for being, the highlight of my life, the sense of everything I want in this world, I
will never forgive myself.’
I sob, my feelings ricocheting inside of me like jelly.
‘Love is all I can think when I think of you, Grace, and I think of you all the time.’
I turn to face him slowly, and see the truth in his expression, the raw honesty and vulnerability on his handsome features.
‘I thought getting married to Lorena would prove to the world I’m different to him. But the truth is, what my dad never did was find that one person who made him happy. That one person who was a match for him in every way. Maybe he didn’t try. Maybe he just didn’t get lucky like I did. But now that I’ve found you I’m not going to let you go, Grace. I can’t.’
I lift my fingertips and dash my tears away.
‘I have no right to expect anything of you.’ He speaks slowly, as though I’m a wild horse and he’s trying to tame me. To gentle me at his approach. ‘I didn’t come here today to ask anything of you except this.’
I wait, holding my breath. When he doesn’t speak I lift my eyes to his. ‘What?’
‘I’m in love with you, Grace. I’m so completely in love with you I can’t think straight. And all I want is a chance to show you that. To do what I should have done thirty-four days ago in that hotel room.’
‘And what’s that?’ I whisper thickly.
‘To tell you that you are the most incredible woman I’ve ever known and that I don’t want to live another day without you in it. To tell you that I look at you and see the only future I could ever want.’ And, emboldened, he strides towards me, his strong hands cupping my cheeks. ‘To tell you that I will love you, worship you, adore you every single day, for the rest of our lives.’