‘Not with anyone.’ He moves closer, bringing his body to mine, his strong, powerful body. ‘You’re an incredible woman. I have loved getting to know you, and I wish you every bit of success in this world. I want you to get everything you want in life—your business, your future with some guy who shares the same dreams you do.’
‘But that’s not you.’ I nod slowly.
There’s a pause, a tortured beat, and then a shake of his head. He drops his forehead to mine and a sob escapes from me before I can stop it.
‘God, Grace, don’t,’ he pleads with me. ‘Don’t cry. Don’t let me be the reason you’re crying.’
I shake my head, denying it silently.
‘The last thing I want is to hurt you.’
‘You haven’t,’ I groan truthfully. ‘This isn’t your fault.’
His lips are so close to mine. My body is charged with some kind of electrical energy. I keep my eyes shut, trying to level off my breathing.
‘I’m an asshole.’ He drops his mouth, buzzing the words to mine. ‘I should never have let this happen.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I knew this wasn’t just sex. I knew it was more than that. I should have kept it to one night. The second you got on my plane, I should have controlled this situation.’
If it’s more than just sex, how come he’s still pushing me away?
‘I don’t want to get involved with anyone, least of all you.’
‘Why not?’
He reaches up, disentangling my arms, arms I didn’t even realise I’d wrapped around his neck.
‘Because I don’t believe in love,’ he says stiffly, his eyes rebuking me silently. ‘I think it’s just a construct, something we’re told to strive for that exemplifies the
pinnacle of human togetherness. I think sex is as good as it gets, as honest as it gets.’
It hurts, but it’s something.
‘Then stay for the sex,’ I say simply, moving closer to him, knowing I’m compromising more than I can probably bear, but that it’s better than losing him altogether. ‘Stay because the sex between us is like something elemental. Stay because you want to keep sleeping with me.’
‘And you’d be okay with that?’ he prompts, his eyes scanning my face, calling me on the weakness in my plan, on the fatal flaw to what I’m suggesting. ‘You’d actually accept that kind of relationship?’
I open my mouth, then close it again. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’
His eyes shut. ‘I’m not yours to lose.’
God. It hurts. So badly. I stagger backwards a little, spinning around to cover the involuntary movement.
‘And I’m not going to be some other guy who uses you for what he wants. I was very clear about all this from the beginning.’
He was. Panic is making it hard to breathe. ‘I know.’
‘And so were you. This was just a few days’ fun, before we get back to the real world.’
‘Not to me.’ I whisper the words.
‘What?’
‘Not to me.’ Braver this time, louder. ‘I fell in love with you, Jagger.’ I spin around, my gaze defiantly latching to his. ‘I fell head over heels in love with you, somewhere in these last few days. So go back to New York if you want to. Get on your private jet and fly off into the sunset or whatever, but don’t kid yourself that we’re just two people who’ve been sleeping together.’
He groans softly, rocking back on his heels, his expression sheened with emotions I can’t comprehend. ‘We’re not.’