She didn’t have any objections, of course. She had already made the decision to return home. And that wasn’t really because of him and what had happened between them. It was mostly to do with her visit to her mother’s grave. Yesterday she had finally made peace with her mother’s legacy and come to terms with why she had spent so long running away. Plus, Megan and Dario were expecting her. But there was something in his tone, in the controlled expression, that had her nerves tangling in her stomach into a knot of anxiety.
He was behaving as if last night had never happened. As if the connection she’d felt didn’t exist.
Had she completely misconstrued the significance of those moments?
“It has occurred to me,” he continued in the same impersonal, businesslike tone, as if she were one of his employees, “that while Dario and I had agreed you would travel back to New York with me when your passport arrived, the final decision should be yours.”
Part of her realized she should be pleased with this development too. He was giving her a choice, giving her the agency she’d wanted four days ago when he’d insisted on bringing her to Capri in the first place. But the whisper of impatience in his tone and the blank expression on his face didn’t feel good. It felt like a blow. A mortal blow to the foolish hopes and dreams she’d nurtured during the day.
“I’m happy to go back with you tonight,” she said. “I spoke to Megan this afternoon and I’ve realized it’s the right thing to do. That I’m ready to start putting my life back together again.”
He nodded, the movement oddly stiff. But his expression remained carefully blank, making the thoughts whispering through her head seem even more melodramatic and misguided.
“Let the staff know you’re coming with me and they’ll pack for you.” He planted one hand in his pocket, his stance so casual and unconcerned now she knew she wasn’t imagining his withdrawal. “I can’t hang around. I’ve got too much to finish up here, and then I have a meeting in Naples before we fly, so I’ll meet you at the airport.”
She jerked forward as he turned to leave. “Wait, Jared.” She touched his arm and he swung round, dislodging her fingertips.
“Yes?” he asked, one eyebrow raised as if she were an inconvenient distraction.
“Shouldn’t we talk? About last night?” she managed, pushing the words out past the lump forming in her throat.
He let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I guess we should. I had planned to leave this until we got back to Manhattan but it’s probably better to handle it as soon as possible.” There was no mistaking the strain in his voice, but even so she felt the tiny bubble of hope. So she hadn’t imagined something had happened.
But then he said, “Things got out of hand last night and I didn’t use protection.” He sunk both his hands into the pockets of his pants and studied her as if she were a particularly rare bug under a microscope. “Is that going to be a problem?”
The blush burned her neck as the hope burst, leaving the familiar feeling of insecurity and inadequacy in its wake. “I...I don’t think so,” she mumbled, realizing she should have given the situation some thought herself. But, after everything else, it hadn’t even occurred to her.
“I’m guessing that means you’re not on the pill?”
“No, I’m not, but...” The question hadn’t sounded harsh, judgmental or condemnatory. It had simply sounded pragmatic. But, even so, it reminded her of all the times Lloyd Whittaker had made sneering judgements about her intelligence and common sense. And her reply got caught in her throat.
“But what, Katherine?” he coaxed.
“I’m due in a few days. It’s unlikely that there’ll be any consequences,” she blurted out, feeling hideously exposed.
He nodded again, the stiff line of his shoulders visibly relaxing. “Okay, that’s good. But if there are any consequences you need to let me know. And we can deal with them together.”
“But...won’t we be seeing each other once we get back to New York?” she asked, unable to extinguish the final flicker of hope.
He frowned and she suddenly felt like the naive girl again who had once thrown herself at him. “I don’t think that’s smart, do you?” he said, the finality in his voice the final blow.
“I don’t understand, I thought... Your nightmare—I...” She bit back the words, scared she might cry and make an even bigger mess of things.
“I’m sorry you had to witness that,” he said, his expression ruthlessly controlled. “And
I’m sorry I got rough afterward. But you’re an extremely desirable woman and you offered.”
He was making the encounter sound insignificant, even a little sordid. And it hadn’t been, at least not for her. But what did she really know about sex, about relationships? She was so stupidly inexperienced.
Had she blown everything out of proportion, read meaning into his actions that simply wasn’t there?
He touched a fingertip to her forehead and drew it down the side of her face. Her breath seized in her lungs as the brutal tug of yearning ripped through her.
“I thought you understood,” he said, his voice gentle. “When we got into this, I wasn’t looking for anything more.” He tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear and she felt like a child again, looking for affection she didn’t deserve.
She nodded, absolutely devastated as he tucked his hands back into his pockets and walked away from her.
* * *