Shock rifled through him. “Are you suggesting that I am speaking mistruths for my own gain?”
A groan escaped from her lips as she dropped her head, reaching up to cover her face with her hands.
“Eliza,” Jeremy said softly, seeing her agony and her confusion and allowing the hurt he felt over her disbelief to flee from him. “Eliza, I love you still. I have loved you every day of my life. I would not lie to you simply to pull you from him towards me. I tell you this so that you have the freedom to decide what you will do.” He could not help but reach out towards her, lifting her chin so that he might look into her eyes. Eliza dropped her hands and looked up at him, tears sparkling in her eyes, pain written into her face.
Jeremy’s heart ached for her.
“I have more to say,” he said, honestly. “I have more to tell you about Rebecca – my late wife – and all of the reasons I had for marrying her instead of remaining with you as I wished, but I think that now is perhaps not the time to do so.” As much as he longed to speak to her of it all, he could see that Eliza was struggling with all that she felt and did not want to burden her further. “Know this, however. I had no choice but to marry Rebecca. It was not even a choice, Eliza. It was expected. For my family’s sake and for her sake, I had to wed her. I could not speak of the reasons why, not even to you, due to the promises I had been forced to make.” He sighed heavily, shaking his head at the memories. “But she is gone from this earth now and I have the freedom to speak to you as I wished I could have done back then.” Almost unwillingly, his fingers ran up the curve of her cheek and then back down her neck, sending fire coursing through his veins. “I can only hope for your forgiveness, when the time comes. I have prayed and sought forgiveness from God and yet there is still no peace within me.” Closing his eyes for a moment, he stopped himself before he began to tell her everything. “There is more to say, more to explain, but I will give you the time you require to consider what I have said about Lord Montrose before I continue.”
Eliza nodded, a single tear dropping onto her cheek. “You are most considerate, Avondale.”
Jeremy smiled tightly, now with both hands on her shoulders. “I can do nothing else but consider you, Eliza,” he said, quietly. “You are in my every thought.”
Before he knew what he was doing, Jeremy had lowered his head and found his lips pressing lightly against her own. He had not had any intention of kissing her and yet, here he was, feeling the dampness of her tear on his cheek, his mouth seeking hers with an urgency that enveloped his very being.
Eliza froze beneath him and Jeremy felt himself twist with regret. He had given into his desire without even considering her, had done something so foolish that it might set everything entirely awry. He made to pull away, stammering his apology, only to feel Eliza’s lips press gently against his own again.
It was over in a moment. Before he could even take it in, before he could understand what was happening, Eliza had stepped back and, tugging her shawl back around her, was hurrying inside. She did not look back as Jeremy turned his head, a wr
aithlike figure disappearing back inside the house like a ghost that needed to return to its haunting. Jeremy’s eyes followed her, fixed to her form, until he could see her no longer.
And then, his legs grew weak, his mind began to scream furiously at him for what he had done, and he was forced to sink down onto the very bench that Eliza had occupied only a few minutes before.
What had he done?
In kissing her, he had allowed his passion to burn hot, forcing him to reveal the depths of his affection. In all their time together, before he had married Rebecca, he had never taken such liberties with her, although he had often wanted to do so. Now, however, he had not displayed the same control as he had once done. He had ruined what had been a wonderful moment of hope and promise by letting his feelings force him into action.
Although she did kiss you, did she not?
Putting his head in his hands, Jeremy tried to make sense of what had happened. Had Eliza truly returned his kiss, even if only for a moment? Had she leaned into him, letting her heart free? He wanted to believe that this was what had occurred, for it assuaged his guilt somewhat and allowed him a tendril of hope, but he had to acknowledge that, just as he had been wrong in a great many other things, he might also have been wrong in this.
Another groan escaped his lips as he sat back up, tipping his head up to the sky as though the moon or the stars might provide him with the answer of what he was to do next. There was nothing but silence, silence that filled his mind with questions and tore at him with regret.
There was nothing more for him to do than wait. Wait for Eliza to decide what she was to do about Lord Montrose and what Jeremy had told her. Wait for her to consider him again, wait for her to be ready to hear all that had occurred some two years ago.
He had been forced to wait long enough already. Patience was something he was well used to, although when it came to Eliza, Jeremy found himself struggling with the idea of remaining in town and being unable to see her again for some days.
“What else can I do?” he said aloud, rising to his feet. The sound of his voice echoed around the walled garden, but no answer came to him. He had no other choice but to return to his townhouse, to perhaps consider his duty towards his late wife and to his uncle, in finding out who had torn Rebecca’s life apart so terribly. That might be the only thing that would help him to set Eliza aside for the moment, waiting in desperate hope that she would return to him again, that she would set Lord Montrose aside completely and forgive the pain and the hurt that had gone before.
Chapter Eight
Lord Montrose was due to call upon her at any moment, and yet Eliza felt so unsettled that she wanted to refuse to see him.
It was most ridiculous.
It was now two days since the dinner party where Lord Avondale had appeared, two days since she had endured Lord Montrose’s loud voice and exuberant presence beside her, and two days since Lord Avondale had kissed her.
She had not been able to forget it, not even for a single moment. It had burned into her mind, forcing her to consider all that had occurred and filling her mind with such questions that she thought they might never leave her.
“You do not look well, Eliza.”
Starting with surprise, Eliza turned from the window where she had been looking for Lord Montrose’s carriage to see her mother walking towards her, a look of concern in her eyes.
“In fact, I should say that you have been looking a little unwell ever since our dinner party,” her mother continued, gently. “Titania confessed to me that she did not tell you about Lord Avondale’s invitation and I am truly sorry that she did not do as she ought. I would not have permitted his presence if I thought that you would have been so upset over his arrival.”
Eliza managed a tight smile, pressing her mother’s hand for a moment. “You need not apologize, Mama,” she said, quietly, her throat beginning to ache with unspoken emotion. “It is quite all right.”
Lady Whitehaven tipped her head, studying her daughter carefully. “Are you quite certain, Eliza?”