And he’d just thrown it back in her face. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes when he’d hurled his accusations at her, and he’d ignored it. Too consumed by his own torment to think clearly.
Alex’s heart thumped. The knowledge that he’d made the most horrendous mistake tore at his gut. A dreadful feeling of panic spread through him and a tight knot formed in his chest.
He had to undo the damage he’d done.
He swung back and rang the doorbell. When there was no answer he knelt down and pushed open the letter box.
‘Phoebe?’
‘Go away!’
He guessed he deserved that but she wasn’t getting rid of him that easily. ‘I want to talk to you.’
‘There’s nothing left to say.’
He hammered on the door. ‘Open the door.’
‘No.’
‘Please. I’m on my knees. I feel like an idiot.’
‘Good.’
‘I’ll sit on the doorbell if I have to.’
Silence. Then the door flung open and the relief that he’d been waiting for earlier finally came.
‘Fine. What?’
Phoebe’s face was white and drawn, her eyes were huge and glassy and his heart wrenched at the realisation that it was all because of him.
‘I’m sorry I accused you of going to the press. I know you’d never have done that.’
‘So why did you?’
‘Instinct. Habit. You’re right. I have let mistrust influence my decisions over the years. But apparently not any more.’
‘Apparently?’
The lack of emotion in her voice rocked his confidence and sent a chill running down his spine. ‘I think I do trust you. And it is personal. You’re the only person I’ve ever not worried about letting me down.’
A faint light flickered in her eyes. ‘And?’
Alex frowned. ‘And what?’ If he was being honest, he’d been expecting her to fall into his arms, draw him back inside and let him prove to her how sorry he was for being such an idiot. ‘Doesn’t it make any difference?’
‘To what?’
Fear clawed at his stomach and a sense of panic began to spread through him. ‘Well, to us. Our affair.’
‘Not really.’ She sighed deeply. ‘Alex. Look. Please go. I don’t want this and I don’t want to see you any more. So please. Just go.’
The door clicked shut and Alex reeled. For a moment he just stared at it in shock. Then a searing pain began to burn in his chest as he realised that whatever had existed between them, whatever it might have turned into, he’d destroyed it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
PHOEBE SPENT THE rest of the weekend wandering around listlessly, her head filled with thoughts of Alex. Every second of every
minute, day and night. Where he was, what he might be doing, who he might be seeing.