d Georgie say quietly in the gloomy darkness that was illuminated by one bare lightbulb.
No. Yes. More than anything. ‘I don’t want to disturb him,’ he said gruffly, mesmerised by the gentle rise and fall of the blanket that covered the little body.
‘You won’t. He takes a while to settle but once he’s out, he’s out. Just make sure you support his head.’
He reached down and lifted the bundle of warm baby and bedclothes to him, his throat tight. Josh snuffled and then settled against his chest, and he felt the warmth of his son’s body seep into every inch of him, filling him with an emotion he didn’t recognise and couldn’t begin to describe.
He was so tiny, so vulnerable. And only six months old. The same age as Finn had been when he’d been adopted. Who could give up something so precious? And why would someone want to? Had he been too difficult? Too demanding? Had his biological mother needed help in the same way it seemed Georgie did, if her descent from glorious, kick-ass girl-about-town to nervous, ghostly wreck was anything to go by? Had his own mother not had it?
Yet more unanswerable questions.
But this wasn’t about him right now. This was about the baby he was holding. Already, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for this child, he thought with a burning conviction he could hardly comprehend. Nothing. Never mind that he had no experience of babies. Never mind that he hadn’t ever wanted responsibility of this kind before. He had it now and, whatever the circumstances, he would never abandon Josh. He would never give up responsibility for him. His son would never have cause to wonder who he was or where he came from. His son, his flesh and blood and, as far as he knew the only relative he had left in the world, would have everything that was in his power to give. And be. Because Finn may or may not have been good enough for either his biological or adoptive parents, but he’d do his damnedest to be the best for his son.
Here was his chance to right past wrongs. To try and move on from the still raw sense of betrayal and rejection he felt. To plan and to build and to focus on something greater. He was no longer alone. He now had a purpose beyond work and an escape from the chaos. And as he bent to settle the baby back in the cot, missing his sweet smell and soft weight already, he realised that, for the first time in months, the way forward was crystal clear. On this, at least, he knew exactly what to do.
Pushing aside messy, incomprehensible emotion and replacing it with easier to understand practicality, Finn straightened and turned to face Georgie, who was leaning against the one kitchen unit that the bedsit contained, looking oddly flushed and on edge.
‘Here’s what’s going to happen,’ he said, watching as her chin came up and her eyes narrowed slightly at his tone.
‘Oh, yes?’
‘Josh is coming home with me.’
She blinked. ‘What?’
‘This place isn’t fit for habitation.’
‘I know.’
‘It’s a health hazard.’
‘I know.’
‘He’s not staying here.’
‘Well, he’s going nowhere without me,’ she countered, and for the briefest of moments Finn toyed with the idea of telling her that he could easily take Josh without her. That he had the power and resources to remove her from the picture altogether, especially in view of her straitened circumstances, and could do so with a click of his fingers.
But he knew what it was like to grow up without a maternal figure and the gaping hole that had left in his life. The man he’d considered his father had done his best, but Finn had no doubt that much of the trouble he’d got into as a teenager had been an outlet for the delayed rage and injustice he’d felt at his mother’s loss.
And then there was the situation he was currently in. He’d been denied the truth about his parentage and as a result now seethed with resentment and frustration. He wouldn’t wish the torment he’d experienced as a boy and was now experiencing all over again on anyone, least of all his own child. Therefore, while Georgie was an added complication, she was a necessary one.
‘Alright,’ he said. ‘You come too. Get what you need for tonight and I’ll have the rest of your things moved to my place in the morning.’
‘For how long?’
‘Until we figure out what happens next.’
‘We?’
At the question in her voice, Finn inwardly tensed. He’d never been part of a ‘we’ before. He’d never had to be, never wanted to be, had no clue how to be. But so much of his life had become uncharted territory recently, what was one patch more? ‘We,’ he confirmed with a brief nod before stalking over to the cupboard and reaching up to pull down a bag that had been stashed on top of it. ‘Start packing. You have five minutes.’
* * *
Since her bedsit was minuscule and the possessions she had with her meagre, Georgie took only four minutes, and one of those she spent arguing with herself.
The old her would have protested loudly at being ordered around in such an autocratic fashion. She’d have demanded to know who Finn thought he was and what century he was living in before telling him where to go and shoving him out the door. But, while part of her wished she had the energy to conjure up that version of herself, the other part of her, the current Georgie, the one that was exhausted and desperate, whose judgement was skewed and who couldn’t trust herself, was too grateful to put up any kind of a fight. To have someone else make the decisions and take responsibility was such a relief. Finn’s authority and decisiveness imbued her with the confidence that if something should happen to her, her son would be safe. After months of not being able to make choices, she’d finally made the right one. She and Josh badly needed rescuing, and Finn being the one to do it was absolutely fine with her.
Besides, he clearly wasn’t planning to leave without them and the last thing she wanted was a stand-off leading to more time spent in this place. The flat was small enough without Finn in it. With him in it, it felt even more claustrophobic. There was just so much of him too close. His size and proximity and sheer presence made her aware of him and the narrow bed in a way she hadn’t expected and definitely wasn’t comfortable with. When he’d lifted Josh out of the cot, and held his son’s tiny body against his big, broad chest, her stomach had clenched and her entire body had flushed.