On one level he could identify with some of what had initially happened to her. He knew what it was like to have your life turned upside down and your plans destroyed. He’d experienced the sort of catastrophic shock that imploded your world, and the subsequent feeling of being utterly at sea. In that respect their recent histories were not unalike.
As for the rest, however, he couldn’t begin to imagine what she’d been through. He thought he’d been having a rough time, but compared with her past six months, his had been a breeze. Giving birth like that must have been terrifying. Finding herself wholly and solely responsible for a tiny, helpless human being that came with no instruction manual must have been petrifying.
And then afterwards... God, he didn’t even know what post-partum psychosis was. But it sounded horrendous, like hell on earth. Georgie hadn’t gone into detail about her stay in hospital but what she had revealed had been harrowing to listen to, let alone to actually live through, so how had she got through it? Had she got through it? Well, clearly she’d recovered at least to some extent because she and Josh were here, not that it was any thanks to him.
He should have been there, he thought, a white-hot streak of regret and guilt suddenly burning through the defences he hadn’t had time to shore up. He should have known. Never mind that he couldn’t have. Never mind that her recent experience was no one’s fault, not even his. And never mind that even if he had been around he probably wouldn’t have known her well enough to recognise the out-of-character behaviour or any of the other signs that indicated she was ill.
What mattered was that he hadn’t been there for his father, and he hadn’t been there for Georgie and Josh either. History had apparently repeated itself and that ended right now because, while he hadn’t been able to help his father or the Georgie of then, he could help her now. In whatever way she needed, whenever she needed it. He wouldn’t let her, them, do
wn.
‘How are you doing now?’ he asked gruffly, aware suddenly that she was looking at him with the expectation of some sort of response.
‘Better. Much better.’
‘And Josh?’
She released a long, slow breath and the troubled expression that flitted across her face made his chest tighten with renewed regret that things hadn’t been different for her.
‘I’d like to be able to say that I’ve totally bonded with him and everything’s great,’ she said carefully. ‘But the truth is that, while I am getting there, it’s a work in progress. For a long time I couldn’t look after him properly. I couldn’t even look after myself. He was cared for by hospital staff so we didn’t get a chance to create that connection that everyone talks about and I missed many milestones.’ She shifted on the sofa and frowned for a moment as if something had suddenly occurred to her. ‘But maybe subconsciously I knew that there’d be a time when I was OK because I took photos and kept a diary. I did everything that was recommended. And I think it’s working. Now I find him fascinating. I can’t imagine not having him around, and when I think... Well... I’d rather not think about any of it actually.’
As she tailed off Finn could see the undeserved guilt and shame in her eyes, which deepened his regret, but he could also recall the fire in her expression when she’d stood there in her flat and told him that Josh was going nowhere without her. Perhaps the bond between them was stronger than she was able to recognise right now.
And, seeing as how he was now thinking about where she and their son had been living... ‘How on earth did you end up in the bedsit?’ he asked, seeking some sort of refuge from the emotions battering him by switching to practicalities.
Georgie blinked at the sudden change in subject and visibly shuddered. ‘It was all I could afford.’
‘What happened to your job?’
‘A couple of weeks after I was admitted to hospital I got an email from my company saying that as a result of restructuring my position no longer existed.’
He frowned. ‘A coincidence?’
‘I doubt it. But I was in no state to object. The pay-off was pathetic.’
Bastards. ‘What about your parents?’
She gave a wry smile. ‘Even if we were on speaking terms, a hippie commune is the very last place I would choose to raise a child. Believe me, I have first-hand experience and it wasn’t all that great.’
‘Friends?’
‘It’s all been too much for many of them and I was too far away. And I couldn’t ask any more of Carla. She’d already done so much...’ She paused for a second, swallowing hard as a quick frown creased her brow, seemingly lost in thought, but a second later she’d rallied. ‘Besides, she has her own life to lead. Her job is insane.’
‘Remind me to thank her some time,’ he muttered, not wanting to even think about how alone Georgie had been, how desperate she must have felt.
‘She’s going to be intrigued by this latest turn of events. If she wasn’t going away for work tomorrow I have no doubt she’d be banging on the door first thing.’
‘She’s welcome any time.’
For a moment she didn’t say anything, just looked at him, her eyes shimmering with gratitude that he did not deserve when his help had come so late. ‘You have no idea how glad I am to have found you.’
His pulse thudded heavily and something shifted in his chest. ‘Likewise.’
‘You may not think that when Josh is screaming the place down.’
‘The walls are soundproofed.’
‘That’s a relief.’ She gave him a faint smile. ‘So. Is there anything else you’d like to know?’