‘She stayed with him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
His chest tightened for the briefest of moments and memory and emotion flared before he got a grip and shut both down. ‘I don’t know. Initially I assumed it was because she had no means of escape or subsequent support.’ But it hadn’t been because she’d refused every one of the many offers he’d made.
‘Is your early business success any coincidence?’
‘No.’
‘You made a lot of money fast.’
‘By the time I was sixteen I’d amassed enough to support us both. I had it all set up.’
‘What happened?’
‘She refused to come with me. She didn’t want to leave him.’
She stared at him in growing disbelief. ‘So you left on your own?’
‘Yes,’ he said bluntly, as a familiar dull stab of guilt hit him in the chest. ‘I realise I should have stayed.’
‘No. I don’t mean that,’ she said, suddenly so fierce that it sent a shaft of warmth burning through the ice inside him. ‘I mean, how could she not have gone with you?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said unflinchingly since he’d learned to live with the fact that that was a question to which he would never know the answer a long time ago.
‘I can’t imagine what your childhood must have been like,’ she said, her eyes filling with compassion that he neither wanted nor needed.
‘I wouldn’t ever want you to,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t want anyone to.’
She went very still. ‘Is there any reason why they should?’
‘Abuse engenders abuse.’
She stared at him, growing paler, other emotions that he couldn’t begin to identify mingling with the compassion. ‘Not necessarily.’
‘The chances are high.’
‘But not inevitable, surely.’
‘It’s a risk I will never be willing to take.’
‘But—’
‘No, Kate,’ he interrupted, holding up a hand. ‘Don’t. I don’t want to discuss it. I just wanted to explain what happened earlier. And to reassure you that you are in no danger from me. You have nothing to fear. I will make sure of that. There is no need to refer to the subject again. It needn’t affect anything. It mustn’t. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.’
* * *
Needn’t affect anything? Kate thought, watching Theo walk out and close the door behind him while she tried to process everything he’d just revealed. How could he possibly think that? How could he think any of it? Most of all, how could he ever believe that she had something to fear from him? She’d experienced many, many emotions since she’d met him, but fear hadn’t been one of them and never would be.
What he’d told her did affect things. Hugely. If he laboured under the heartbreaking impression that he might somehow be capable of harming her and the baby, it was no wonder he’d displayed such a lack of interest in and engagement with her pregnancy. And it certainly threw light on his fierce drive to succeed.
How had he ever got over his mother’s rejection? she wondered, her throat tight and her eyes stinging as she struggled to process everything he’d said. Perhaps he hadn’t. Did anyone? She’d learned to live without her mother, but her mother hadn’t had a choice. His had, and she’d abandoned him. He’d had no siblings. He’d been all alone.
How tough and determined he had to have been in order to survive. How strong and resilient. It would hardly be surprising if that need for self-preservation was still deeply ingrained. She had first-hand experience of how old habits died hard. What had happened clearly continued to affect him. The way he’d presented her with the facts with such little emotion had spoken volumes, and it tugged on her heartstrings.
So where did she go from here? Should she try and make him see that history didn’t have to repeat itself? That he posed no threat and that he could absolutely be a part of their child’s life? Or should she leave well alone? On the one hand, she owed it to their child to at least try, but on the other, Theo had made it very clear that the subject was closed, and it was far too sensitive an issue for her to bulldoze her way through.