‘No,’ he said urgently. ‘You don’t know the half of it. You don’t know what happened after Lisa left me at the altar. Hardly anyone does.’
‘What happened, Leo?’
He swallowed, grimaced and an ache started up in her chest at the flicker of old pain that she saw in his eyes. ‘I caught up with her outside the church,’ he said, ‘and I begged her to reconsider. Begged her. I loved her. I thought. So I threw aside my pride and told her everything I was feeling. And I mean, everything. All the emotions that were swirling around inside me, the pain, the jealousy, the hurt.’ He winced. Sighed. Shook his head. ‘It wasn’t pretty,’ he said hoarsely. ‘In fact it was hideous. And even worse, it was witnessed. Not by everyone, but by Jake and a few other friends who’d dashed after me.’
Abby’s heart squeezed. ‘What happened after that?’
‘I hated her for a while, especially the pity I’d seen on her face. But not for all that long, because despite the way it looks she’s not a bitch. She was genuinely in bits over what she was doing,’ he said, and then, with a shrug, ‘but as she said at the time, she just couldn’t do anything about it.’
Well, she could have done, thought Abby waspishly. She could have called it off the week before. The morning before even. She hadn’t had to leave it until a moment that she must have known was going to destroy the man she’d once supposedly loved.
‘I imagine the lure of a childhood sweetheart is a powerful thing,’ she said instead.
‘Maybe. Whatever it was, my heart had been absolutely shredded and every one of my emotions trampled on. And then when I’d got over the pain, I realised I’d been made to look like a fool. It wasn’t something I was particularly keen to repeat.’
‘No.’
‘It was so easy just to lock the emotions down. That way I’d never be vulnerable or look a fool again. I’d be safe.’ He stopped. Looked at her thoughtfully and smiled slightly. ‘But then I met you and those intentions went straight to hell.’
‘Oh, Leo.’
‘There’s no need to look like that. They’re not locked down now. And I really don’t give a toss about being vulnerable or looking like a fool.’
Her heart began to thump. ‘No?’
‘No. I mean, look at me. I’m a wreck and I’m spilling my guts in front of a pub full of people.’ He glanced over, arched an eyebrow, and said to the room at large when gazes were hurriedly averted and conversation suddenly started up again, ‘Oh, don’t pretend you’re not all trying your hardest to listen in.’
Then he turned back and the amusement in his eyes faded. ‘I can’t begin to tell you what I feel for you, Abby.’
Her breath caught at the look on his face. ‘You can always try.’
‘I love you. I adore you. I think I have done for weeks because, you know something, yes, that trip I organised to the St Jude’s set might have had an ulterior motive, but you were right. I did want to do something nice for you. And I know you probably don’t believe me, but I’ll show you the emails I sent Caroline when I was trying to set up the meeting. They’re embarrassingly gushy. They sing your praises and list your virtues. And there are lots. I love you, Abby. Very much. It’s not just lust that I feel for you even though I managed to convince myself it was. It’s love.’
Happiness soared through her and her heart swelled to bursting. ‘As a first attempt,’ she said shakily, ‘that’s not bad.’
He took a deep breath. ‘The thing is, I’m also scared.’
‘There’s nothing to be scared of.’
‘Oh, I think there is.’
‘I’d neve
r do anything to hurt you.’
‘I know,’ he said with a nod, ‘but being in love with you also brings the terror of losing you.’
‘You won’t lose me.’
‘Won’t I?’ he said, and the look in his eyes turned troubled. ‘What if I turn out to be, I don’t know, somehow not enough?’
Abby frowned. ‘Not enough?’ How could he possibly be not enough?
‘I wasn’t enough for Lisa—we’d been together for three years and she ran off with someone she’d been back in touch with for five minutes. I might not be enough for you.’
Ooh, if she ever got her hands on that woman...
‘You are more than enough for me, Leo,’ she said fervently. ‘More than enough. You’re everything I could ever want. Ever. How can I prove it to you?’