‘I am, which is how I know that the more you suppress emotion, the harder it becomes to control and the more you end up dwelling on it.’
‘Just as well I don’t have any, then.’
‘And if that isn’t a good reason to let it all out,’ she said, ignoring him because he might like to think that but everyone had some and he was fooling himself if he thought he was different, ‘then I don’t know what is.’
‘How do you let it all out?’
‘I don’t have to, because I never let it become a problem. Whatever I’m feeling I embrace it. If I’m happy I say so. If I’m not, I say it too.’
A spark of something—challenge? Smugness? Glee?—lit the depths of Leo’s eyes and, despite the heat that the Aga was churning out, Abby shivered.
‘What are you feeling now?’ he asked lazily, which had her guard up because laziness wasn’t a tone she’d ever heard him employ before.
‘Full. Tired. Excited about tomorrow.’
‘That’s it?’
‘More or less.’
‘You’re a hypocrite, Abby.’
She blinked. ‘I’m a what?’
‘A hypocrite.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are. For all your talk about saying what you feel, what you want, you won’t admit you still want me.’
At the gleam in his eye Abby’s heart lurched and her breath caught in her throat. OK, now they were heading into seriously dangerous territory because in the blink of an eye she’d lost control of the conversation. Leo was now in the driving seat and would take her along a route that would end up with her all tangled up because she didn’t know what she wanted. The thought-chaos thing went both ways.
Making a great show of looking at her watch and yawning, Abby shot him a bright smile. ‘Well, it’s a big day tomorrow,’ she said, pushing her chair back and wondering whether her legs would be steady enough to support her long enough for her to get to her car. ‘So I think I should go.’
‘Of course you do,’ he said dryly. ‘But before you run off, let me put my cards on the table once and for all. I’m not looking for a relationship, Abby. I haven’t had one since Lisa. And that suits me fine because absolutely nothing will persuade me to go there again. But I want you. And I want an affair with you. Short and hot and satisfying until it ends. That’s all. Emotion, or lack of it, needn’t come into it. Think about it.’
* * *
All through the journey back to the pub, the usual quick chat with Sheila, the barmaid, and her preparations for bed Abby thought about little else.
An affair.
Out of the question, she’d thought, parking her car and getting out.
Tempting, she’d thought, wishing Sheila goodnight and heading up the stairs.
Out of the question, she’d thought, squeezing toothpaste onto the toothbrush and brushing her teeth with vigour.
Hmm.
It was frustrating, this inability to work out what she wanted. More than that, actually. It was infuriating. She’d thought she had it sussed. That nothing would ever come of the chemistry they shared. But now that Leo had tossed out the suggestion of an affair, she was no longer sure.
He’d told her exactly what he wanted from her, but what did she want from him?
Now, there was a question.
She wanted sex, that much was true. And she wanted it badly. She might as well admit it.
But what else?