New York City
April 22
Dr. Sharon Frank didn’t suffer fools gladly. She was the fourth therapist Tox had seen in his life—including the mandatory psych evals required by the SEALs—and by far his favorite. She had never served, but Tox sometimes thought she missed her calling; she would have made one hell of an admiral. She was barely tall enough to ride a roller coaster, but her perfect posture, innate confidence, and no-nonsense assessments gave her an air of authority that garnered Tox’s respect.
She retrieved her half-glasses dangling from a chain around her neck and positioned them on her nose. Tox was sitting in the leather recliner she had purchased especially for him, after he had broken the leg off a Queen Ann chair and bottomed out her small loveseat. He had just filled Dr. Frank in on the problematic events of the past few days.
Tox was staring at his boots when she spoke his name.
“Miller, you know this was inevitable.”
“How so?”
She sighed and removed her glasses. “Your goal in therapy is to learn to form healthy bonds, not eliminate that process altogether. Your natural tendency is to form bonds; that’s a good thing. You have done it successfully most of your adult life—with your SEAL Team, your coworkers, even your neighbors. The next logical step is a romantic connection.”
“I’m not ready.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I feel it happening again. It’s like I see her, and I want to have her.” Tox shifted in his seat.
“Miller, that’s called attraction. I would hope you found that in any romantic relationship you entered.”
“It’s more than that.”
Dr. Frank merely cocked her head, waiting for Tox to continue.
“I don’t just want to be with her. I want to…consume her.”
“I will take that in the metaphorical sense in which it was intended. Miller, you haven’t had a meaningful romantic relationship since you were what? Twenty?”
“Twenty-one.”
“You have to take this one step at a time. If there are sparks flying, terrific. If you’re up at night with thoughts of her, wonderful. You are taking her feelings into consideration, yes?”
“Yes, she’s attracted to me. She asked me to kiss her. I’m definitely picking up signals.” He left out the part about her following him in Harlem. He had enough dysfunction all on his own.
“That’s the key. Reciprocity. You cannot let your desires eclipse your partner’s. It’s the key to any good relationship, really. I want you to pursue this, Miller. Just make sure to keep your finger on the pulse.” She pointed at him with her readers then returned them to her nose.
“The bear’s in the cage,” he mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
She sat stone still and waited.
“Some of my brothers, Teamguys, say I have a caged bear inside me that comes out in certain situations.”
Dr. Frank nodded her understanding, silently acknowledging the necessity of ruthlessness in battle.
Tox continued, “So with Calliope, I have to keep the bear in the cage.”
“Certainly, I would advise that at this stage. You have no issues with anger or violence in any relationship you’ve had, so I’m assuming by letting the bear out of the cage in a romantic relationship, you mean completely unleashing your passion and emotions.”
“Yes, but I don’t ever want to do that.” Tox averred.
Dr. Frank pulled off her readers and let them dangle from the chain.