Tarin: Chapter 17
I looked down at the test I'd just peed on three minutes ago. The plus sign glared back at me. Damn it, I was pregnant! What the hell did I do now? I’d been so excited this morning when I realized with all the talk, that I was late and that I might be pregnant. I couldn’t wait to find out. That was why I ran out to the store. Now, I wanted nothing more than to have it say I wasn’t.
Outlaw’s reaction to my announcement had been less than enthusiastic. He hadn’t seemed happy at all. Now that I knew I was pregnant, what should I do? I didn’t want him to feel forced into having a kid if he didn’t want one. I had means to care for one on my own, which would mean breaking up with Outlaw. The thought of doing that made me sick to my stomach. I loved him, but a child trumped that. I’d never bring a child into a home where there was abuse, hatred, or anger. And he would be angry if I stuck him with a child he didn’t want.
I shoved the pregnancy test deep under the trash in the bathroom. I washed my hands and then went to think. I grabbed a pen and paper. I did better when I made lists. I needed to make one and figure out the best course of action. In one column I wrote Keep, the second one was Terminate, and the last was Leave. Why I even put terminate, I don’t know. There was no way I’d get an abortion or give up my baby, but I still listed it.
Before I could start listing anything, I heard the thump of boots coming up the stairs. I shoved the paper under the book on my desk. I barely got it hidden before Outlaw came through the door. He had a worried look on his face. He came straight over to me. I let him hug me this time. It was probably one of the last times I’d get to feel his touch. “How did it go with the guys?”
“Fine. We’re going to work on it. You can’t leave on your own anymore, baby. Not until we find out who did this. Let’s talk about this later. We have something else to talk about.”
I headed him off. I wasn’t going to have him say something he didn’t mean. “There’s nothing to worry about. I took the test, and it came back negative. I’m just late. Must be all the stress. Whew, close call. We’ll have to be more careful.” I moved out of his arms and went to the door. He was watching me with a frown on his face. I smiled at him. “I’m kind of hungry. How about I fix some lunch?”
He didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds and then he nodded. He followed me down to the kitchen. I got started on fixing our lunch. I wasn't hungry, but it would help to divert him from asking more questions. I didn’t know if I could continue to lie if he did.
“Babe, I think we need to talk about the baby thing. I know when you mentioned it, I acted—” I stopped him.
“Damian, I know it was a shock, for both of us. Kids aren’t something we should be dealing with. We’ve just gotten together and with this new picture issue, the last thing we need is a baby. I’m glad it was negative. It’s a weight off both our minds. To be safe, we’ll need to use something for a few more weeks.”
His expression confused me. He looked disappointed, but he didn't say anything else. When the food was ready, we ate in an uneasy silence. Afterward, he volunteered to wash up. I needed some air before I screamed.
“I’m gonna walk over and see Ilara. I’ll be back in a few.” I gave him a quick peck on the mouth then I hurried out the door. I wasn’t going to Ilara’s. I was taking a walk to clear my head and think about what I was going to do. They wouldn’t want to let me leave with this threat out there. Could I stick it out long enough to get this resolved without him finding out I was pregnant? I shouldn’t be showing for a while yet. I was more worried about not being able to lie about it. I hated that I’d done it once already. I’d tell him, but not until I was gone. Otherwise, he’d try and keep me here like he did after I remembered the crash.
I walked for over an hour before I decided I needed to go home. When I walked into the door, Outlaw was sitting in the living room. He had a pissed look on his face. What was that about? “What’s wrong? You look upset.”
He sneered. “Oh, I do? I wonder why I’d be upset. Maybe it’s because my fiancée told me the pregnancy test she took was negative. Imagine my surprise when I find it in the trash and it says it’s positive. Then I go to get a piece of paper off the desk and I find this list. What were you going to do, Tarin? Abort the baby and never tell me? Or leave and never tell me I was going to be a father? Well, too bad for you, I found out. You’re not going anywhere. I’ll lock your ass up until this baby is born and then if you want to leave, you can, but the baby stays with me.”
“You can’t do that, Damian! You can’t take my baby away from me!” I screamed at him. I was feeling dizzy at the thought he’d do that. This was turning into a nightmare.
“Oh, but you could do it to me. That’s perfectly fine. Fuck that. I guess more of your mother is in you than I knew. She was a cold-hearted bitch too!” he yelled before he stormed out of the house. I heard him get on his bike and fire it up. I sank down on the floor.
What could I do? I can’t get off the compound. Could I go to Dad? Would he protect me or his club brother? I fumbled to get my cell phone, and I dialed the one person I knew I could talk to. When Ilara answered, I sobbed into the phone. “Please, I need your help. Don’t tell Dad. I’m at the townhouse.”
“I'll be right there,” she promised. As I waited, I cried my heart out. Now, I'd not only lose Outlaw, but maybe my baby too.
Outlaw:
I had no idea how long I’d ridden around, trying to get my anger under control and my thoughts in order. When I’d found the pregnancy test and then the note, I'd been livid. She had lied. She was pregnant and trying to decide what to do! At the moment, I hated her as much as I’d ever hated anyone. When she came in and started asking what was wrong, I wanted to strangle her. I knew I had to get out of there before I did something I'd regret. I had never been close to touching a woman in anger, like I was at that moment.
It was now dark, and I was headed back to the compound. I’d calmed down and was ready to talk to her. We needed to discuss this like two adults. If she didn’t want a baby, I couldn’t let her have an abortion. She’d have to carry it and then I’d take the baby and raise it. If she wanted to keep it, could I trust her? It wasn’t looking good any way I looked at it.
When I pulled into the driveway of the townhouse, it looked dark. Surely, she hadn’t gone to bed this early. I shut off my bike and ran inside and up to our room. My heart was pounding. Had she found a way to leave while I was gone? I tore into our bedroom and flipped on the light. It was empty. I opened the closet and breathed a sigh of relief. Her clothes were still there. If she wasn’t here, she had to be at Bear’s. Shit, I wonder what she told him. I ran down the stairs and out the front door. I jogged over to his house.
I rang the doorbell and waited. A minute later when the door swung open, I came face-to-face with an irate Bear. “Oh, thought you’d come looking for her? After what, three hours? Get the fuck off my porch, Outlaw! I’ll take care of her and my grandchild.”
“Wait a goddamn minute. This is between me and Tarin. So, she told you what she did. She lied and told me she wasn’t pregnant and then was making a list, deciding if she was keeping the baby or not. Did she tell you that!” I yelled back at him.
“Actually, she did, only she never intended to terminate the baby or give it up. She was trying to decide if she should tell you and hope you’d come to want the baby or if she should just raise it alone. Well, you answered that question for her. She told me you threatened to tie her up and then take the baby. Over my fucking dead body,” he yelled back.
Suddenly, Ilara was between us. She had a pissed look on her face. “Shh, keep your voices down. Hope is asleep, and I just got Tarin to do the same. If you two wanna yell, go to the clubhouse. Tarin doesn’t need this stress. She’s not fully healed from her coma and now this. No wonder she’s feeling sick.”
“Sick? She’s sick? What’s wrong? Does she need to go to the hospital?” I asked as panic started to rise. Had this caused her to have a relapse? Maybe she shouldn’t have a baby after being in a coma like she had been. Could it put her at risk?
“If she does, I’ll take her. You need to leave. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Bull. I’m going to take my family and we’re going to leave for a while. I need to figure out if I’m staying or if I should turn in my cut. I’ve been at this for a long time. I have a family to worry about now,” Bear said as he glared at me.
“Are you saying you’re going to leave the club because of me?”
“I am. I can’t have my daughter in my life if you’re going to be threatening her all the time. She’s not giving up her baby. That means, I'll take her somewhere we can help her raise it. I don’t know why you’re so bent. You didn’t seem to want it anyway. That's the whole reason she lied in the first place, so she wouldn’t make you feel like you were trapped and had to be a father. And she's nothing like Carol,” he snarled.