“He was stunned and then he went for a knife on the kitchen counter. He came at me. We fought and during the fight, the knife ended up in his gut. He fell on the ground and bled all over the place. My mom was screaming hysterically.”
“What did you do? Did the cops take him to jail?”
“Nope, they didn’t. I stood there, and I watched as he died. The knife apparently nicked his artery. When the police came, they saw the house and the bruises on us. We told them what had happened. It was ruled self-defense.”
“So, you and your mom were free. It’s a terrible way to get freedom, but you were safe.”
“No, we didn’t get our freedom, or at least she didn’t. Mom couldn't get over the fact he was dead, and she blamed herself. He’d brainwashed her into thinking everything was her fault over the years. She blamed herself for me killing him. If she’d been a better wife and mother, it wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have beat us. She needed counseling, but back then, not very many people went to counselors and not in rural Tennessee. Six months after he died, she took her own life. I was left at fourteen without any family.”
The door behind me whipped open. I almost fell to the floor. She stood there with her hand over her mouth. Tears ran down her face. I stood up and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t resist. “Baby, don’t cry. Shh,” I whispered as I hugged her close.
“Damian, how did you survive that? Where did you go? What did you do?” She sobbed. I picked her up and took her to the bed. I laid her down, making sure not to hurt her leg, then I sat down beside her.
“I was put in foster care. I lucked out and got a family who cared. They put me in counseling. They knew Bull and Bear. When I was sixteen, they helped me get a job at the club’s garage in town. I quickly showed that I had an aptitude for computers, not as much for cars or bikes. Bull and Bear sat me down and told me if I’d go to school and learn all I could about computers, they’d pay for it and I’d be able to work for the club, if I wanted. I jumped at the chance. When I was twenty-one, I finished college and started to prospect with the club. A year later, I patched in and I never looked back.”
“What happened with your foster parents? Are they still alive? Do you still see them?”
“Unfortunately, they both died while I was still in college. He got cancer, and she was diabetic. However, they were great to me. If it hadn’t been for them taking me in and getting me help, I don't know what I would have turned out like. I found it helped to talk about it.”
“You mean like I should talk about it,” she whispered.
“Yeah, you need to talk about it. If you can’t talk to me or your dad or someone else in the club, there are counselors who can help. My history is why I was so for the Warriors’ Haven project. We opened it to give abused women and children a safe place to go. So many don’t leave because they worry about their abusers finding them. It’s not just for known abusers either. Some of them have been raped or taken to be sold. We have some of the old ladies in Dublin Falls who have had both happen.”
“Really?” she asked, and I nodded.
We sat there, not saying anything for a long time. I was content as long as she let me hold her. When she went to move away, I held back my cry of no.
“I feel dirty and ashamed that he did that to me. I should have tried harder to stop him, or tried to tell someone else when my mom didn’t believe me. I know intellectually it could have been worse. He didn’t rape me, but it still hurts. I thought he was my dad! I was so stunned and then happy when I found out Bear was my father. I’ve never been able to talk about it. And it affected me when it came to men. It was hard for me to trust the first guy I was ever with. I was nineteen. We dated for a long time before I slept with him, only to find out he was sleeping with other women. The second guy I let in, he only wanted me while I was a challenge. As soon as I slept with him, again after a long time, he got up and went on to the next woman. That’s why when I met you and had this instant attraction, I fought it. You made me react unlike either of them. I knew you could hurt me way more than they ever did.”
“Baby, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I’d never use you and then leave you. You're not dirty and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. He was the one who was dirty and if he was still alive, I'd kill him with my bare hands. I know I don’t have the right to ask this, but I need you to please reconsider your wanting to leave. I’ll never hurt you like this again.”
She stared at me. I couldn't resist, I kissed her. I wanted to crow with joy when she returned it. She was tentative, but she responded. There might be hope after all.