Bear: Chapter 6
I held my breath, waiting to hear what Ilara had to say next. Did she believe me when I said I didn’t want her just because it would give me a family? God, I hoped she did. She took my hand and then looked back up at me.
“Before we talk more about this, I think it’s only fair that you know what happened between me and Hope’s father.”
“Baby, no, you don’t have to tell me. I understand it’s hard for you. If you feel like it one day, then tell me then.”
“It is hard, but so was what you just told me. If we want to try and make a life together, we have to be able to tell each other everything. So, let me tell you this and then we never have to speak of it again, if you want.” He nodded.
“I’m from the Philadelphia area. I worked in the city while I went to college and afterward. Not long before I graduated, I got a job at a marketing firm in the city. It was owned by two men. They had built it into a very successful place over the years. I was so happy to get a job with them. Everyone talked about how great they were to work for and how well they treated their employees, which was true, on the surface. For the six months I was there, it was great. I liked my bosses and the people I worked with. That changed one night and in a very bad way.
“I was working late. Everyone had gone home for the weekend. I thought I was alone in the office until suddenly I was grabbed from behind. I was knocked out. When I came to, I was in the conference room. My clothes were off and I was being raped.”
“Jesus Christ, one of the guys who worked with you raped you?”
“He wasn’t one of the guys who worked with me, Donovan. He was one of my bosses, one of the founders, Todd Hamilton.”
“What the fuck?” he shouted.
“Shh, let me finish.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“So, I woke up and Todd was on top of me. He was already inside of me. I fought and screamed, but there was no one there to help me. I couldn’t get him off me. He laughed while he did it. He went on about how he knew I wanted it, that he’d seen the looks I was giving him. How I always brought him coffee and had this smile. He said he was tired of waiting for me to make a move, so he did.”
I fought down the vomit. “I told him that wasn’t true, but he didn’t believe me. He kept on about how now we’d be together and we’d make everyone else jealous in the office. When he was done, he tied me to a chair.”
“Why?”
“Because he wasn’t done yet. He rested a little while then he raped me again.” I choked on a sob. He was holding me tightly. “After he was done the second time, he got up and put on his clothes. He told me if I went to the police, no one would believe me. After all, he was a prominent businessman. Men like him didn’t need to force women to be with them. He untied me and left me there when he was done the second time.”
“Jesus, what did you do?”
“I finally got dressed, crawled to my office and got my purse. Somehow, I made it to my car. I drove home. When I got there, I showered until I was raw and cried as I thought about what I should do. I went to the police the next morning and filed a report.”
“So, he’s in jail. Too bad, I want to kill the fucker,” he snarled.
“No, he’s not in jail. See, he miraculously had an alibi. Someone who was also a very prominent businessman swore he was with him, drinking and playing cards most of the night.”
“Oh, baby, I’m so damn sorry. What happened after that?”
“I couldn’t go back to work. I quit and didn’t return. However, he wasn’t done tormenting me. He started to follow me. I was terrified to leave the house. He’d watch from the street. He called me and told me he’d make me come back to him. I knew I had to leave, but I didn’t know how. I got my chance a couple of weeks later. The whole company was going away on a retreat. I had been expected to go too when I worked there. It was mandatory. I don’t know if he forgot I knew, or he thought I was too scared to do anything. But when I knew they had left, I packed my shit and put what I could carry in my car and I left. I drove until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”
He kissed me and kept kissing me as the tears ran down both of our faces. When he finally stopped, I felt better. “Tell me the rest.”
“It was a month after the rape that I realized I hadn’t had a period. I went to a clinic and had them do a test. I’d been so upset with what happened. I hadn’t even gone to be checked before that. They checked for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. I came back clear on the diseases, but not the pregnancy.”
“Don’t get mad, it’s just a question—” I cut him off before he could ask. I knew what he was about to say.
“Why didn’t I get an abortion or take the morning-after pill? Because I don’t believe in abortion. It wasn’t the baby’s fault. That baby, Hope, is still a part of me, Donovan. She didn’t deserve to die. So, I got over it and went forward. I traveled and found work where I could. I lived frugally and once she was born, I settled in Virginia. I stayed there until six months ago.”
“Why did you leave?”
“I lost my job. They downsized, and I was last hired, first fired. I couldn’t find work. Not anything I could live on, so I started driving to find a new place. Someone suggested I check out Tennessee, so I came here. I was driving through when I came across Hunters Creek. I loved the look of it and thought I might be able to stay here. That was three weeks ago. All the money I made at the last place I stopped at is almost gone.”
“How have you been making money since you lost your job?” I could hear a faint note of concern in his voice.
“Well, I wasn’t a hooker!” I sat up.