She looks up at me and colors slightly. “I have not since high school,” she says softly.
“Okay,” I say, and I imagine I’m also blushing. “Just let me know if you need to slow down or stop.”
She nods, and there is such brightness and eagerness in her expression, I’m blown away. I finally manage to smile and say, “Well, let’s get going.”
The run is exhilarating.
I don’t run as fast as I ordinarily do, but I also don’t slow down very much. Anna keeps up with me, and I find everything about the girl intoxicating. As we run, my mind moves in dangerous directions, directions that have a lot more to do with having a relationship than with having fun. I try to force them from my mind, but it isn’t easy to do.
For Christ’s sake, I barely know the girl!
This isn’t about her.
It’s about me because I’m lonely and I need someone to comfort me. The problem is that isn’t a fair reason to get into a relationship. It sets things off right from the start with an imbalance and that wouldn’t be fair to her at all. As far as I’m concerned, I need to do what I can to just live my life and get myself in a position where I can stand securely enough on my own two feet that I can start thinking about slowly and carefully moving into a potential relationship.
It’s very easy to think this way.
It’s not very easy to have the discipline to live up to the ideal when that little girl’s perfect body is moving the way it is as we run. By the time we get back to the house, I feel like I’m going to explode.