Thirty minutes later, when the orderly came to move Gabe into a room on the oncology floor, Jarrett remembered he hadn’t called anyone to let them know what had happened.
“You go ahead,” he told Rylie. “I’ll be up there in a minute after I make a few phone calls.”
After a quick call to Cole, who promised to update the other two men, he called Gracie, the family’s designated information center.
“He’ll probably be fine,” he told her. “But I can’t help thinking with his immune system this low, a common cold is enough to kill him. I don’t dare say that to Rylie, because she’s already petrified.”
“He’s going to be okay, Jarrett. We’ll get the family prayer chain going,” she said. “And speaking of Rylie, I meant to call you and let you know about something that happened while I was talking to her. I kind of let something slip I thought she already knew, but apparently didn’t.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She mentioned she planned to have kids of her own someday, and I suggested adopting more kids if you guys couldn’t get pregnant… because of the chemo. From the look on her face, I’m guessing you hadn’t told her chemo could hurt your chances. I’m sorry, Jarrett. I thought she knew.”
Something caught in his throat. “Did she seem upset?”
“Frankly? Yes.” Her heavy sigh assaulted his ear. “I don’t think it helped that I’d just announced being pregnant with number six when she may never be able to have any. But I’m sure you can work through it, if you’re honest with her. She might be more upset you didn’t tell her than she is about not being able to have kids.”
His chest was hollow. The possibility of never being able to father a child of his own had hardly seemed important when the alternative was death. But Rylie, who’d always loved babies and children, had probably dreamed of carrying a child and giving birth, like most women did. If Jarrett kept pushing, she might agree to stay married, knowing she could be giving up that dream forever. But who was he to take that dream away? He’d been so selfish, thinking only of how much he needed Rylie, he’d forgotten to consider all of her needs, as well.
Gracie said her goodbyes and he disconnected, his thoughts still reeling. Depression tugged at the edges of his mind. He’d been so certain he and Rylie belonged together, so close to confessing his love. Now, he realized, if he truly loved her, he had to be completely honest and let her make a decision of her own free will.
But not tonight. Tonight, I need her by my side. I don’t have the strength to hear her choice right now… in case she doesn’t choose me.
Chapter 22
Rylie cringed as thousands of tiny needles pricked her toes. The weight on top of her calf during the night had cut off all the circulation to her left foot. She shivered in the cold hospital air, only a thin sheet covering her. What had happened to the blanket? Her neck was cranked in an awkward position, her pillow missing as well.
If she and Jarrett had proven anything last night it was that they were both tenacious to a fault. Both of them had insisted on staying overnight and neither would consent to take the only bed, a generous term for the convertible couch in Gabe’s room. Rylie knew Jarrett could’ve used his influence, demanding Gabe be moved to a larger room with space for a second guest couch, but that wasn’t his style any more than it was hers.
After arguing for ten minutes, each claiming the right to sleep sitting up in the chair, Rylie had finally struck on the idea of sharing the couch bed, which wasn’t large enough to accommodate one person comfortably. And so they’d slept together, in their clothes on the tiny hard mattress.
He’d offered to wear his prosthesis to bed so it wouldn’t “freak her out,” but she’d given him an impatient eye-roll. She’d never been “freaked out,” she’d argued fewer legs meant more leg room. He’d grinned and responded that she would still only be allotted fifty percent of the mattress.
Her initial plan to keep a respectable amount of space between them went out the window the instant they’d lain down, shifting to accommodate each other on the narrow space. When they’d settled in, she’d found herself spooned against Jarrett’s chest, his arm draped over her side because there was no other place for it to go.
The doctors still hadn’t determined the nature of Gabe’s infection, even whether it was viral or bacterial, so his prognosis was uncertain, at best. Her fear alone would’ve been enough to make her toss and turn, but her awareness of her tingling contact with Jarrett had made sleep impossible. She’d dreamed of this moment, though she’d never imagined it under such terrible circumstances.
His heat radiating into her back, the delicious pressure of his body against hers, his breaths in her hair… all of it had assaulted her senses. She’d lain awake for at least an hour, long after the rhythm of his breathing turned slow and even, with his right leg flinging itself across her calf. She’d never slept with a man before, and it wasn’t at all what she’d expected. It was the strangest combination… a loss of freedom to seek her normal comfortable sleeping position, along with a delicious security she could never have imagined. As his arm had tightened, drawing her even closer, she’d made no attempt to pull away. Instead, she’d relished the barrage of sensations, knowing full well it would probably never happen again.
When she’d finally dozed off, it was with a comical thought she’d be able to remember long after their marriage had ended.
I slept with Jarrett Alvarez!
With the morning light came stiffness, a tingling foot, and the return of the gnawing fear in her gut. She’d hoped Gabe would have come out of his fever, but it hadn’t dropped. Nurses had checked on him throughout the night, but his temperature had only gone higher.
Beside her, Jarrett turned onto his back, simultaneously relieving the pressure on her leg and edging her off the mattress. She tumbled to the floor, her feet still tangled in the sheets. Only the fact that her pillow and blanket had preceded her at some point during the night saved her from bodily harm. Her pride was not so fortunate.
The light flipped on in the room.
“Oh! Are you okay?”
The concerned voice came from an attractive man wearing a white lab coat. Just her luck the nurse would choose that moment to walk into the room. She covered her face. She had a new least-favorite way to meet people.
Jarrett’s head appeared over the side of the mattress. “Why are you sleeping on the floor?”
She struggled to move with her feet pinned above her, the needles in one expanding to the entire foot. “I’m not sleeping. This is a new yoga position. It’s calleddownward dope.”
“If I’m not mistaken, she fell off the bed.” The nurse extended a hand. “Are you hurt?”