“I’ll miss you,” I tell him, and it’s the truth.
I knew when we started all of this that our friendship wouldn’t survive. How could it possibly?
He was in love with me, and I didn’t feel the same for him. I’ve known for a while that I never could.
He swallows, his dark eyes brimming with tears. His spine stiffens before he turns and walks away.
I try to get back into the groove of the song, but I just can’t. I drop the notebook on the table, uncaring when the pencil rolls to the floor.
I bend and pick up the pencil, placing it on the open notebook.
I could probably write up a storm right now, but I poured my heart into so many songs weeks ago before setting it all on fire. I just don’t have the energy to do it all again. I know I’ll be able to write again, but it’s not going to be today.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me and walk across the hall to my bedroom.
I set the alarm on my phone and give myself three hours to live in my darkness, praying that when I climb out of bed this time, my heart is just a little more healed than the broken wreck it is now.
Chapter 37
Brooks
My hand trembles when I lift it to knock on the door.
I’m taking such a fucking risk by coming here.
The door opens, and it’s as if I can breathe for the first time in a week and a half.
Archer doesn’t smile when he sees me. His eyes are blank, those shutters he dropped on his back porch still firmly in place.
“Don’t forgo your chance at happiness because it doesn’t look exactly like the fairytale you’ve built in your head.”
“Writing song lyrics now?” Archer scoffs. “They say write what you know, but I can say, Brooks, you’re not staying in your lane.”
“That’s what I said to my best friend earlier tonight, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.”
He shakes his head, taking a step back. I block the threshold before he can close the door in my face.
“I realized I should take my own advice. I miss you.” His eyes narrow. “I want you, Archer. I love you. I’ll tell everyone, but honestly, I’ve made so many comments the last couple of months, I don’t think anyone would be surprised. I don’t think there’s another man on this planet that could compare to you. I don’t want anyone else, but where does that leave me when you change your mind?”
I watch his throat work on a swallow, but he doesn’t say a word.
“Did you fucking hear me? I love you.”
His eyes look past me, and it kills me to see him so indifferent. This isn’t how I pictured this going in my head at all.
“Say something,” I urge.
“I’m not asking you to come out. That choice is yours. But this is the first time you’ve ever voiced those emotions, so you’ll have to excuse me for not just jumping on the trust bandwagon and believing that you’re telling me the truth.”
Wow. Being rejected seriously fucking sucks.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you,” I say, because he hasn’t told me to get lost, although I can sense it coming. “Even if that means telling the world the truth about us.”
“Testing someone’s love never ends well, and neither would you agreeing to come out as a condition of that test.”
His eyes finally meet mine, but they’re still shadowed by his pain. I put that heartbreak there, and for the life of me, I have no fucking clue how to wash it all away. I don’t even know if it’s possible. I may have damaged us too much to get back what we had.
With a long-suffering sigh, Archer steps to the side. “Are you coming in?”
I rush past him before he has the chance to change his mind, but I stop dead in my tracks at the sight of all the moving boxes stacked up.
“You’re moving?”
“Yes,” he says, but he doesn’t offer anything else up. “I’ve been packing all day, and I’m not even halfway done.”
I feel like the man is crushing me under his boot, and I have every second since the last time I was here. I was content to live in my misery until the conversation the guys had with Kit about forgiving Jules for all that she had done.
Each word they spoke settled inside of me, making me realize that my fear where Archer was concerned wasn’t about people finding out. It wasn’t about not wanting to be a part of his life in the spotlight. Those were all excuses.
I’m terrified most of all of being left behind, of him changing his mind and walking away. I don’t know that I could survive it, but at the same time, I was barely surviving walking away from him.