I snatched it out and clutched it to my chest.
Then clicked the closet light off and hurried over to the bathroom, squeezing my eyes shut as I locked the door and it clicked.
My hands shook as I pulled the little plastic pregnancy tube out of the discreet pink and brown polka dot pencil box I’d bought on Etsy. I unwrapped it and peed on the stick.
Three minutes later, I was shaking my head at a little plus sign.
“No,” I whispered, feeling nauseated again. “Oh hell no.”
I had to stop and breathe hard, in and out several times, but I managed to keep whatever was left in my stomach down.
It didn’t stop the panic from taking over the rest of my body.
A baby.
A baby.
I thought of Leander calling me baby all night. Then blinked and shook my head hard.
I’d known before tonight even began that it had been a short bubble of escape. A night out of time. But the night was over. And however amazing it had been, and no matter the heights the guys had taken to me to…
I looked down at my Fitbit on my arm. Four thirty a.m.
It was officially morning now. The night was over. Time to be an adult. As much as we might like to play in our scenes, I wasn’t a little girl anymore.
For God’s sake, I was going to be a mother!
My hands shook as I shoved the pee stick back in the pencil box. I certainly couldn’t go leaving the evidence behind in the trash.
A mother.
Fuck! I didn’t know much, but I did know one thing—I wouldn’t be like my parents. I’d never put religion or any other thing above my child. The kid would always come first. I shivered, remembering Leander’s voice. I’ll fuck you till I’m your obsession. Your idol. Your god. Your everything.
He would become my everything if I stayed.
But I would never be his. A fist twisted my guts.
And this little baby, what would they be to him? Or Janus? My hand drifted to my belly. Was it even possible to know which of them was the father? Horrified, I shook my head firmly.
Some things just couldn’t be risked.
Mind made up, I tiptoed back into the other room, grabbed my phone and one of my bags that had just enough to get me home. I froze and held my breath when one of the guys shifted in bed. But then they settled again.
Still, I didn’t breathe out until I’d opened the hotel door and shut it behind me again. Slipping my flats on, I fled.
Away from the twins. Away from Milo. Away from my first loves. My first lovers. The only men I could ever imagine—
I sobbed as I ran.
But I didn’t stop or turn back.
27
WHEN SHE RUNS
I smashed the down button on the elevator.
“Come on, come on,” I muttered, bouncing up and down in my anxiety to get the hell out of here. Now that I’d made my decision, I was resolved. It had been insane, losing myself this summer. I needed to go back, hole up, and—
My hand fell to my stomach and tears popped out of my eyes. I needed to go back home and figure out what the hell to do next.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Oh shit. Even without turning around I knew it was Leander. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
The elevator pinged open and I ran inside and slammed the close button. I was close, so close to getting the hell out of there. I just needed to think, I needed to think, and I couldn’t do that around—
But it was adorable thinking I could get the elevator doors to shut before Leander’s furious strides down the hallway would bring him to me. His strong arm forced its way inside the doors before they shut and my stomach sank even as my heart soared.
Because some foolish part inside of me still hoped he could make it all better. That if I just laid down all my defenses, my Daddies would make it all better.
Which only showed what a fool I was.
Leander glared at me and I’d never seen him more furious. He was usually so good at controlling his emotions, but apparently waking up in bed only to find me gone had made him one grumpy boy.
“I thought we just went over this.” He put a hand over my head on the elevator wall and leaned into me, not touching my body. “You. Do. Not. Run. Ever.”
I wanted to sink into him. I wanted to curl my body against his, nod and say, yes, Daddy. Of course.
But that was before, and this was now. There was a pregnancy test in my bag with a plus sign.
So I shoved away from the wall of the elevator and out from underneath the magnetic hold of his gaze.